As a girl that has had very limited experiences with relationships, I can tell from the 7 months that I was in a relationship that they are not something to take lightly by any sense of the imagination. I grew up with the fear of being alone the rest of my life and that’s a fear that still haunts me today.
I just recently established a career for myself and it’s hard to think that before this career the person who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and myself probably felt like we were on top of the world. The distance between myself and my career versus him ultimately led to the end of what I thought was my forever.
Some days I still struggle with the fact that I am no longer leading that forever aspect of life.
I still think of the many conversations and laughter and tears that we shared together and the fact that our conversations most of the time led to marriage and children doesn’t help with moving on either. I have had the scary what-if scenario, what if I hadn’t been so clingy or what if I would have taken a different job closer to him, maybe things would be different now.
Something I have realized in this battle of my heart is that I need to let the what-ifs stop controlling my heart and my mind.
He ultimately made the decision to end it and I had virtually no control over that. I shouldn’t be consumed with the what-if scenario because I am better than that. I am far more that an option; I am someone’s priority and only time will tell who that lucky guy is.
A guy that will choose me over and over again without any doubts, excuses, or regrets. A guy never has never and will never determine my self-worth. I am a child of God with flaws and insecurities just like every other human being and I am more than good enough.
In the mean-time I am leaning on God, my family, and my friends probably more than I ever have. I firmly and truly believe that God is preparing me for a man of great ambition and awesome character.
God has blessed me with so much: family, friends, my job, my graduate program.
I need to trust in that God knows who I am going to spend the rest of my life, I mean let’s be honest, He had my future plan before I even entered this world. I am a successful woman and things will/can only go up from here. I have always dreamed of being the best me I can be and now that I have nothing hindering me from my dreams…I am chasing after them full force and in the meantime if God sees fit Mr. Right will come along.