To The Women Who Choose Not To Have Kids

Twenty20 / alaskangeles
Twenty20 / alaskangeles

To the women who choose not to have kids, I have one thing to say: thank you.

You probably don’t hear it enough. In fact, you probably don’t hear it at all. What you do hear is an array of pro-childbearing responses, such as, “You’ll change your mind someday,” or, “Doesn’t your mother want grandkids?” or, “You’ll never find a husband if you never want to have kids.”

All things considered, “thank you” is probably on the opposite end of what you hear.

But seriously: thank you. Thank you for recognizing that childrearing isn’t for you and being true to who you are. It doesn’t mean you hate kids. It just means that raising one is not part of your path in life.

Thank you for not succumbing to the societal pressures. I’ve known far too many parents who had kids because that’s what was expected of them. Working in childcare, you see more of this type than you wish to see. The resentment is almost palpable. They love their children — at least, they have no choice but to love their children — but every single movement seems to scream, “I wasn’t meant for this.” I’ve known too many people who grew up with at least one parent who harbored that resentment, who let that resentment dictate how they parented. I’ve seen how that influenced the way these former children are now as adults, or even as parents themselves.

Thank you for not trying to compromise who you are in an effort to keep a partner around. Thank you for being honest and open and refusing to apologize for who you are. Everyone has different values. Everyone wants something different in life. It takes a lot of guts and confidence to say, “This is what I want in life. It’s not the orthodox way, but it’s my way.”

Thank you for not trying to silence that feeling in your gut as a means to validate your life. There are too many people in this world who cannot figure out their path — or have stumbled while walking down said path — and decided that maybe having a child could provide that meaning and definition instead. You understand that down this path lies vicarious living and hurt emotions and you recognize that there are so many other ways to find love and meaning and joy in your life.

Raising children is a difficult, onerous, frustrating, and disappointing gig. It’s tough enough for those who want it. It is a rewarding and loving gig as well, but it’s not something one should go into while focusing only on reward and love and societal acceptance. In this day and age, with a booming population in almost every country, it makes no sense to pressure every person to have a baby. But we’re sticklers to tradition, ritualistic to a fault.

So thank you. It’s not easy to stand firm with your belief. Honestly, truly, and genuinely: thank you. TC mark


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  • msaiechien

    Reblogged this on Chronic Indecisiveness.

  • kelijackson

    Reblogged this on GrownUpSexEd and commented:
    I’m one of the women who has chosen not to have children. Though I love children and adore the time I spend with the children in my life, I find nothing wrong with not having them myself, and have debated this topic many times. So, Abby, thanks for the gratitude. For the other childless-by-choice people out there, thanks for staying true to yourself. <3

  • tenshitox

    Reblogged this on tenshitox and commented:
    Thank you for this. My main reason for not wanting children is because I know I’d resent them, so thanks for understanding

  • artbylisabelle

    Reblogged this on artbylisabelle and commented:
    My eldest Son and his Beautiful, creative loving Wife are in their mid-thirties and have no desire to have children. I am glad they are following their own paths and their two most adorable Chihuahuas are their babies and the two know it too! :)

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    Reblogged this on Random Ramblings.

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    Reblogged this on Popy2277's Blog and commented:
    Sometimes it is not even the choice you make, it is of God..

  • characterreputation

    Reblogged this on Character vs Reputation and commented:
    Because if you hear the words “You’ll change your mind” enough times, your head actually explodes when someone gets that ‘oh, how cute, but I know better than you’ smirk just before they actually say the words. To women who choose to be mothers, I say thank you, because the world needs great, amazing women (and men!) raising amazing children. I wouldn’t be here without one of those great, amazing women after all. But the world also needs great, amazing people who recognize they don’t want to be parents BEFORE they become parents. Everyone finds fulfillment in different ways. For many women (and men), it’s raising children. For many of us, however, our focus is not (and never will be) in that area, and not getting the smirky, judgmental middle finger from the rest of the world for it would be nice. Ah, a girl can dream…

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  • vanessafuller

    Reblogged this on A Tropical Fish Out of Water and commented:
    My own reasons for not having children are complex and varied, and entirely my own. The responses to many I’ve met who can’t get their heads around my own decision not to bear children have been less than kind and often quite judgmental and absurd.
    That said, I love my own step-son and my closest friends’ kids more than I know how to express. And, it’s a real treat to be in and a part of their lives.

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    Reblogged this on Meraki Anthology and commented:
    You’re welcome. And thank YOU! :]

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    Well said.

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