I will look at a man as I walk down the aisle and thank God that He gave me this person to love. I will watch the faces of our children and smile because they are half of me and half of the person who loves me to a point beyond questioning.
I dream that this person is someone that I will love more than I have ever loved anyone before. He will be my playmate, workmate, and soulmate.
I noticed that I try to hide from pain and hope it goes away rather than face it head on and deal with it. I’m happy for this opportunity to grow emotionally and spiritually. I’m also happy that God has given me the ability to recognize my faults and give me the tools to fix them.
We just got back from our family vacation to Yellowstone National Park. It was really neat! We saw three moose and a black bear which was probably much more exciting to me than to anyone else. We all got along fairly well, and I really enjoyed spending individual time with everyone on the trip. I got to sit outside on a nice porch and talk with Dad, play a couple of games of giant checkers with Mom, and got to eat dinner in a cute downtown park with Claire.
I then went to Papa’s and Mema’s and sat around and talked with them for three hours! I didn’t realize that it was 6:00 until Mom texted me and told me to come home for dinner. We had a really good conversation, and it makes me so mad that I just now decided to start going over there on a regular basis. They seem so so so happy to have me, and they give me their undivided attention. I really enjoy their company and love them so much. I haven’t really felt this way about them until I started going over there by myself. I always felt bad because Mema or Papa never asked me to come over, but for some reason that doesn’t matter anymore. I can really tell they love spending time with me.
I went on a 2.5 mile run today and ran it in 25 minutes! I was very proud of myself because it is my fastest time yet. It’s really exciting to see my improvement over the summer! I hope I can keep it up when college starts!
I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship yet anyway. I’m still terrified of being cheated on and probably couldn’t handle a new relationship very well because of that. I think I’m really just in love with the idea of love.
If he pursues me and he’s a godly man, then so be it because it’s probably God’s plan, but I should let everything else just slide through my fingers. God, please help me to do that.
I’ve been having problems with confidence lately. I just feel like I’m not really noticed in large group settings. I get talked over and no one really pays attention to me. I hope that changes when I go to college and reconnect with my good friends.
I’m going to try something new
For once in my life.
I’m going to write.
I’m a writer.
I wanted to say that I dressed up today to impress him, but I just said “see you later” instead.