A picture popped up of us yesterday on my Facebook memories and honestly it hit me really hard. That one picture held so many memories that came flooding back. And I almost—keyword almost—texted you, but I didn’t, so here I am. Writing a letter to you about five years since we last considered each other friends.
It’s been about three years since we talked last, on the day we graduated high school, but that wasn’t us talking as friends. We were talking to each other because we had to, not because we wanted to. Your mom wanted a picture of us, and against my better judgement, I agreed.
I would be lying if I told you I don’t miss things about being friends with you, because I do miss you. I miss having someone who lived 15 or 20 minutes from me who would do stuff with me when we were bored. I miss your flashcards you always let me borrow before tests (you were amazing at making them). I miss going on church trips with you. I simply miss things about you. We were supposed to be in each other’s weddings as maid or matron of honor. We were supposed to have kids that became best friends too.
But, at the same time, our friendship was toxic in a lot of ways, and both of us were to blame for that. I could never talk about basketball, football, my other friends, family issues, or personal struggles. It was all about you 80% of the time, and you expected me to be there for everything to support you—every dance recital, long dance practice, every church thing, and every single bad day. It was EXHAUSTING.
You were the one person I was supposed to be able to count on for anything. You used to be a phone call away, but suddenly you stopped answering. You were supposed to always look out for me, but then you were talking behind my back.
But as toxic as our friendship was, the day you decided I had stood up to you one too many times and that we weren’t going to be friends anymore hurt. You dropped me like I never existed, and when someone would ask you what happened, you blamed it all on me.
No, I wasn’t perfect. I probably said something out of frustration that hurt. Yes, there was a time or two that I couldn’t come to your dance recital or wasn’t able to celebrate your birthday on the day of your birthday because we had a game. And for that I’m sorry.
I do want to thank you. Thank you for being my best friend for eight years. For a majority of that time it was fun, and I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything in the world.
You will always be in the back of my mind and I wish you nothing but the best.
Your ex-best friend