I used to write so often however I haven’t put my thoughts onto paper in over 2 years. Lately, I find myself almost choking every time I open my mouth because there are mounds of words I should say; words that I need to say – but I swallow them whole and pretend they were never on the tip of my tongue, flames dancing in the shallows of my mouth waiting to start a wildfire.
I don’t think either of us expected it – in fact, I’m sure of it. When we kissed that night, I finally felt what they show you in the movies. Despite my body being about 80% vodka, it was a defining moment, a collision of stars, epic – and I promise it wasn’t just the alcohol. I knew in that moment that it was meant to be. I felt like my soul was on fire but in the best way possible. I finally felt something again, and it consumed me.
My abandonment issues and separation anxiety – toxic yet addictive for you. I was slow to open my heart to you, and vice versa. Like many others, I thought you would leave. Yet you took the time to break down every barrier I threw in your face. You allowed me to feel so vulnerable but safe in your arms.
Breaking up with someone and ending a relationship when you still have so many feelings and love for that person is one of the strangest and hardest things I’ve had to endure. I’m honestly not sure how people get through these sorts of heartbreaks. I thought I’d loved before but you showed me what true love was, what it is.
We’ve both said right person, wrong time. However, I’m not sure I believe it so much anymore. I couldn’t have loved anyone more than I love you. You’ve taught me so much, you’ve helped me grow in ways you’ll never know – and for that, I am eternally grateful. Right person, right timing. We found each other at one of my lowest points, you pulled me out of a hole I wasn’t sure I’d ever get out of. You’ve shown me love, and you’ve also shown me how I deserve to be loved, appreciated, respected. And for you, I can only hope that I’ve done the same. You’ve had such a great impact on my life, and I will forever cherish the time we had.
Even though we didn’t work out, thank you so much for loving me. Thank you for allowing me to love you.
Please remember the times between then and now, and how many good memories there are. I wish you nothing but the best in your next, and I promise I’ll always be here no matter what.
You’re my forever.
A part of me will always love you.
Maybe we can pretend we didn’t break each other’s hearts.