When it’s all said and done, there is only so much we can actually do to find the right person for us. It’s not something that can be taught. Choosing the right person can only be learned through personal experience and the more you put yourself out there, the closer you’ll get to it.
Present society makes us feel like there’s perfect type of person when it comes to dating. All these books and articles about dating and relationships convince us that it must be performed in a certain way, otherwise, it’s doomed to fail. There are thousands of articles out there revealing the red flags in dating but if you read enough of these, the only conclusion you’ll come to is that everything is a red flag. However, what’s a red flag to one person may not be a red flag to someone else. Therefore, you might as well save yourself the stress and not worry about it at all. Moreover, dating apps give us so many options that we start to take everyone for granted. In the midst of all this bullshit (yes, most relationship and dating advice is bullshit because when it comes down to it, people will just act based on how they feel) we forget that we’re human. We forget that the point of a relationship is to learn, develop and connect with another soul. We forget that we have a heart that is stronger than our brain when it comes to bigger life decisions. Ultimately, we forget that humans are imperfect and it’s not about finding the perfect person. It’s about finding the perfect imperfect person for us.
Frankly, I believe that the abundance of information and choices out there actually scares the hell out of us. We’re afraid to commit because we’re constantly thinking about other options or possibilities. We’re afraid to be ourselves because some article somewhere said that we’re a red flag. Finally, we’re afraid to pursue happiness because of all the sad stories we read about traumatic endings, breakups and heartbreaks.
In the midst of all this fear, thinking and contemplating, life passes us by. We spent a whole year avoiding significant individuals because we read articles that give us excuses to avoid them. Or, we missed out on an amazing person trying to chase other leads on tinder or wherever else. Too much information and options leads to overthinking and we really shouldn’t overthink because while we’re living in our abstractions, real life is passing us by.
So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, here are the steps you can take to reclaim your individual dating life:
1. Ignore all the bullshit about red flags, most of the times, they are overly judgmental and diminish peoples individuality and uniqueness. Plus, everyone’s experiences are unique, so what works for them may not work for you- don’t take advice too seriously.
2. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt. What’s the worst that can happen? Sadness? No big deal. It’s only temporary. It’s not going to last forever and the experience will be worth the pain.
3. Trust your heart to choose the person for you at this point in your life. It’s better to get hurt following your heart than to have a mediocre experience following your brain.
4. Lower your barriers. Don’t repel people from getting to know you. As far as it goes, there are no negative consequences to being vulnerable.
5. Don’t hold back your true feelings. Life’s too short to sit around and wonder if the person you’re interested in is right for you. Life’s too short to not make your move. So, shoot your shot while you can.