I remember worrying about you, unable to sleep, because you were out at some party until the break of dawn, drinking yourself silly, and grabbing a ride home from someone equally as drunk.
I remember how I was too shy to say things like “I love you” and so you came up with a new way of saying it, “I like you in a really extreme way.”
I remember you saying that I was a flirt and demanding that I stop hanging out with anyone else, and telling me how the rest of your friends thought that I was starved for attention.
I remember crying to you in the middle of the night, and pouring out all my sorrows and you comforting me until 3 in the morning and I fell asleep while on the phone with you.
I remember crying to you in the middle of the night, and pouring out my heart to you before you asked me if I was done yet and then promptly hanging up.
I remember going to your barber shop with you, and how you disappeared for five minutes, before coming back with a rose for me, for absolutely no reason other than the fact that you loved me.
I remember you losing all your trust in me because we had gone different paths and you weren’t sure if I was running around behind your back. I remember your distrust poisoning the time we spent together.
I remember what it feels like when you kiss my nose, then my forehead, and then my nose again. And the way your eyes light up when we’re hugging and I tilt my head up to look at you and smile.
I remember you telling me that we had to keep our relationship a secret and that no one else could know for my own “safety” purposes and you asked me if you could take someone else to prom.
I remember the first time we broke up.
I remember the second time we broke up.
I remember the third time we broke up.
I don’t remember all the times you said “let’s not see each other anymore”, only because you said it so often.
I remember how every time after you did, you would ask me if I was okay, tell me that you missed me, and that you still loved me.
I remember the way I hurt every time you broke my heart, and the happiness I felt every time you took me back.
But I’m tired of crying over you. I’m tired of repeating the same routine over and over again. Maybe this will be my biggest regret, or maybe it will be my greatest release. But I won’t know until I try.
I have never loved anyone as much as I loved you. Perhaps I never will love someone the same way. But you are my biggest addiction. And no addiction is a good one.
So goodbye. And I’ll keep the memories, if you don’t mind. Maybe, that way, I’ll learn.