Ever heard of the saying “All good things, come to an end?”
Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships, it couldn’t be any further from the truth. For the majority of us, there comes a point in our relationship when we come to realize that it is time to let go. We all dread it. We do anything to distract ourselves from it.
Breakups just completely suck – the process, aftermath, and the pain that comes with it.
A break up can make anyone, even an emotionally stable individual feel like they are going insane. Well let me assure you that no one is going insane. This can be a very confusing time for anyone.
After a breakup, doubts and ‘what if’ questions start to overtake our heads.
And when this starts to dominate our thoughts, out of habit we pick up our phones, we check our social media, or any means of communication we may have with an ex, just to somewhat feel connected to them again. That connection provides a temporary relief from the unwanted pain we feel.
However, doing this will just make things worse in the long run. And you know what would help?
Cutting all contact with an ex (and yes this includes checking on Facebook and Instagram) is possibly the best thing you can do for not only yourself but also for them. Of course this won’t be easy, it’s hands down one of the hardest steps to take. Majority of us get caught up with the idea of remaining friends, but in reality all this is, is another excuse to be able to contact an ex. This forces communication when emotions are still raw and in result it causes more emotional stress. Although it’s not impossible to stay friends with an ex, heck people do it all the time and it can be one of the most beautiful friendships you can have BUT this friendship has to happen organically. Once you start loving yourself again and putting yourself first, you will eventually feel that it’s the right time to re-connect with your ex and start a friendship (if you even want to).
Many of us easily get confused at whether we are ready or we even should start a friendship with an ex.
Nothing could be more frustrating than thinking you’re capable of being friends with a previous love, only after a few catch-ups, you’re back to step 1 of trying to get over them again.
Once you are over the idea of dating an ex, then you can attempt to be friends with them. Most of us form a strong friendship within the relationship, and that friendship will always be there. It just takes a lot of patience and resilience in order for that friendship to shoot out.
Coming to terms with the fact that a break up is a sign of incompatibility is extremely difficult for most.
There are plenty of us out there who are guilty of becoming glued to the idea that our ex is the one, we convince ourselves that our ex is perfect, and then find ourselves continually giving the relationship another chance. It can be a struggle to let go of a fantasy we may have on rekindling the love with an ex.
However, in reality, obviously the two of you weren’t perfect for each other. Otherwise you would still be together.
During a relationship this person was your best friend, the person you looked forward to seeing everyday, talking to everyday and at that period of your life you just couldn’t imagine your life without them because at the time he/she was the love of your life and no one else could compare to them. Well the fact that you even reached the point of telling this person you no longer want to be with them, after all those beautiful things you gained in the relationship is a big red flag that you two aren’t right for each other. If this person is really the one for you, how could you two possibly get to the point of deciding the two of you are better off without one other?
If you two were meant to be together, you would still be together.
For me accepting this fact is the biggest challenge I face after a breakup, how could it be easy accepting the fact that all that time and energy you put into that relationship was for nothing? It is far from easy but once you accept the relationship is over, you will come to realize that it wasn’t for nothing, that time and energy did not go to waste because that relationship helped you grow as a person, it made you stronger and it gave you direction to what you really want and actually need in a partner. And that is the best gift anyone could give to you.
Eventually, we learn to open our arms to accepting our ex isn’t the one. And the best thing you could do when you reach that point is to invest in yourself.
The longer you spend in a relationship, the more your sense of identity compliments your boyfriend/girlfriend. And when he/she is no longer with you, you are left with a temporary void with who you are.
This is why the best and most important advice in recovering from a break up is to invest in yourself and start discovering your personal identity – one that excludes your ex. Take up some new hobbies, focus more at work, take a trip overseas and learn a new language. There are endless opportunities out there for you to rebuild your identity.
Having doubts during a break up, or reminiscing on a dead relationship is unavoidable. No one likes getting their heart broken or giving up on someone they love. However, look at that relationship as a beautiful vase – If you break it once, you can put it back together with some care and effort but it will never ever be the same. And no matter how much you loved that vase, every time you look at it all you will see is an old, broken vase that will never go back to its original state. Don’t you think you’re better off finding a new one or just not have one at all?