First off, congratulations! You have worked this hard, you have faced many challenges, you are strong and amazing. Do not throw it all away for someone that is not worth it by settling.
There is no shame in wanting to find love and to be in love. Love is a beautiful feeling, it is intoxicating it is rejuvenating and it is life changing. Even when we are out of love and single, we will always crave to be in love with someone that reciprocates. Reciprocation is important for relationships. If you want to fall in love, make sure your partner reciprocates. This means that you should not settle for anything less. And even if they DO reciprocate, use your best judgment and do not ignore their negative traits. Be wise when you give your heart to someone.
Love should be trusting and without fear. If you feel endangered, that’s not love.
There seems to be a trend with many of my friends recently who want to settle because they are close to 30 or have already made it there. When we are in our 20s, we learn and experience the world. This is the time to learn about the world and understand what we want out of life. We are crafting our path in our 20s. Our 30s are a gateway to more self-discovery. Here, we may want to settle, start a family or we might want to just climb the corporate ladder until we are CEOs; depending on the person. One thing should remain consistent; no one should settle for someone that is not worth it.
Although loneliness can be a hard pill to swallow, it’s going to be tougher to break out of the relationship you might have with someone that you just settled with as time goes on. It is understandable that not everyone wants to be alone. Humans are social creatures and we do crave relationships (at least, most of us do) but that should not be the green light for you to just pick the next available person that comes along and call it a day.
Settling will not remove the empty feeling you might have inside. Settling will not eliminate the fears we might have. Settling only serves to create more complexities and misery. The correct path now, if you are seeking to be with someone but are aware that you only are doing it to escape from your own shadow, is to stay alone for a while. Yes, this might sound scary, but it will be important for you to evolve. This is the opportunity you need to rekindle with a long-lost love and that is you.
Work on loving yourself, find your ego and nourish it, feed it until it explodes. When you are at the point when you have fallen in love with yourself, you can then seek out a partner and love them unconditionally.
Why should you love yourself? Easy, because if that relationship does not work out, you will not wallow in a self-hating cycle. You will have the tools needed to pick yourself up and move on. If you do not love yourself, the first person you blame in a breakup is you. Also, this is beneficial if you are in a new relationship. If you are filled with self-love, you will put yourself first. There will be a low tolerance for bullshit, so if your partner is deceiving you, or you do not feel fulfilled or happy, you will not be afraid to leave. Loneliness will not stop you from ending something hurtful, you will know yourself enough to go and find the things that make you happy and hopeful.
We forget how important self-love is because many people equate it to narcissism. But self-love is needed to overcome and become greater versions of ourselves. Self-love should be required before embarking into a relationship, just like you need to learn to swim before entering a diving competition because you will drown and fall deeper into the darkest crevices of the pool until something pulls you out. The same logic should apply to relationships.
Self-love will teach you how to swim in the ocean of love and emotions. It will be your life support when you are lost in the sea of emotions and love.
When you dive into the deepest parts of your heart, you will be able to swim through it, instead of fighting it in a wave of confusion. You will trust yourself to reach the surface and leave the pool when everything has become dark, murky and unsafe.
When we learn to be comfortable with ourselves, we can shine brightly in relationships. You can also give your love selflessly and without restraints to your partner. There will be a part of you that knows that even if it does not work out, you are strong enough to overcome. And that’s another fear that people have, the fear of endings. Relationships end, but this does not mean we should stop falling in love or have an irrational fear of it.
Love can hurt or even break us, but it also has a beautiful side that makes one want to share it with someone worthy.
Be wary of who you love and choose to open your heart to, especially if your ego is weak. Begin by loving yourself and focus on you, specifically if you have been hurt in the past. Time does heal and there are plenty of fish in the sea, we just have to swim through the heartbreak, the chaos, and the lessons before finding the one. Even if all hope seems lost, do not ever give up on falling in love because it’s one of the most beautiful moments you could live through, especially when you find someone that respects and validates you. But first, we need to love us and embrace our flaws. When you finally find the person for you, it will be a wonderful experience worth the trials and tribulations to have someone worthy of you by your side.