You want affection. You want attention. You want complete and unadulterated love. Everyone does. But here’s the problem: All of the things you think you’ll only get once you find the right man are things you can really just give yourself.

You wish that he would give you a reason to live? Screw that. Live for that job that you’ve been toiling away at for years. Live for that tropical vacation you’ve been planning that’s going to temporarily take you away from the stress of your daily life. Live for that puppy at home that relies on you to survive. Even if you meet the right man, he won’t be able to save you. He won’t be able to turn your dreary life into something out of a dream. You have to do that yourself.

You wish that he would give you what you needed by asking you about your day, listening to you vent, and comforting you when you cry? Screw that. You can give your body what it needs. Feed yourself, even when you’re feeling fat and don’t want to put one more calorie into your system. Take a hot shower, even when your depression gets the best of you and you want to spend the entire day crying under the covers. Exercise, even if you don’t think you have the energy to last for more than five minutes. Keep your body healthy, and your mind will follow suit.

You wish that he would spoil you, by buying you jewelry, planning elaborate anniversary dates, and taking you to your favorite restaurants? Screw that. Spoil yourself. Work hard during your nine to five, earn enough money to keep your spoiled heart satisfied, and spend the cash on presents that’ll pamper you. Buy those expensive boots you stare at whenever you pass by the store window. Spend money on a trip for two to Disney that you can take with your nephew. You make money for one reason: To spend it.

You wish that your boyfriend would make you feel beautiful by bragging about you to his friends, posting mushy statuses on your Facebook, and complimenting you even when you look like a complete and utter mess? Screw that. Make yourself feel beautiful. Reorganize your closet, so you have all of your little black dresses in one place for easy access. Watch makeup tutorials, so you know how to draw attention to the features on your face you feel the most confident about. Get used to looking at yourself in the mirror first thing in the morning, so you realize how beautiful you are naturally, without foundation or concealer or compliments from men.

You wish that he made you orgasm by searching for your G-spot, playing with your clit, and eating you out? Screw that. You know your own body better than any man ever will. Slip under the sheets with your favorite vibrator and fantasize about all of those sexy celebrities that are more manly than your ex will ever be. Orgasms are capable of destroying your headaches and reducing your stress, whether you’re getting them from someone else or giving them to yourself, so you might as well fly solo. You deserve that sweet release.

You wish that he loved you? Fuck that. Love yourself. Love yourself, even when your hair is in knots and your eye liner is askew. Love yourself, even when you screw up so badly that you can’t imagine ever climbing out of the ditch you’ve dug for yourself. Love yourself, even when magazines, billboards, and every pessimistic part of your heart is telling you to destroy yourself. Love yourself, just because you can.