1. When you text someone that you’re “5 mins away” it means you’re still sitting on your couch in your sweatpants.
2. Your friends start lying to you about what time they want you to meet them somewhere. If they actually want you there at 8:30, they’ll tell you to come at 8.
3. …You try to be offended by this, but then you arrive at 8:30 and you’re like, point taken.
4. If you actually do arrive to something on time, your friends usually greet you with a surprised “What are you doing here?!”
5. And by the way, for you, “on time” means any arrival period that’s within a 10 minute range of when you should have gotten there.
6. You used to try to include reasons for your lateness when you would text your friends to let them know you were going to be late.
7. …But now, you usually just straight up say “Sorry, I’ll be like 30 minutes late” while subtly acknowledging that it’s useless for you to even try to include an excuse at this point.
8. When you actually leave on time and then something out of your control delays you, like a traffic jam or a late bus, it feels strangely painful. YOU WERE SO CLOSE TO PUNCTUALITY.
9. For the most part, your reasons for being late are usually just mundane things you forgot to plan around – you got overconfident in the public transportation system, or you forgot to include parking time or time allotted for actually finding the restaurant you’re going to.
10. And if one of those things wasn’t the reason why you were late, it’s usually just that you were watching Netflix until the very. last. possible. second.
11. So when you actually do have a fantastic reason for why you were late, such as an insane Uber drive or getting held up while a police chase flew by, it doesn’t even matter, because everyone was expecting you to be late anyway and they’re not even waiting for a reason as to why.
12. If you were born on or ahead of your due date, someone at some point in your life has made the joke that the day you were born was the first and only time you were early/on schedule for anything! LOL.
13. But you don’t consider yourself late, you consider yourself time-optimistic.
14. You’ve set your watch, your car clock, and anything else you can think of, to be at least 5-6 minutes fast. But it still doesn’t help you get anywhere on time. Instead, you just think, Oh perfect! I’ve got another 5-6 minutes before I have to leave.
15. You’re really good at entering a room as quietly as possible, to the point where sometimes people don’t even notice. You got a lot of practice from the four years you spent arriving late to every single college class you ever attended.
16. When being on time is essential, like when you’re trying to catch a flight, you usually include at least two hours of leeway time to make up for the fact that you just KNOW you’re not going to leave when planned. So if you have to leave your house no later than 2 pm, you plan to leave at noon – and you end up leaving around 2:10.
17. Your life basically falls apart for two days whenever it’s Daylight Savings Time.
18. People are used to adding 15 minutes onto any time period you give them. So if you text them that you’ll be there at 9, they know to expect you at 9:15.
19. You’re going to be late to whatever engagement you have right now because you got overconfident in the amount of time you had and decided to read this point instead of leaving your house. 
