A Working Script For Your Start-Up Pitch
Good Afternoon. [COUGH, WINK, SMILE] I’m [INSERT NAME].
The _______ industry is broken.
It’s the 21st century, but the ______ industry hasn’t changed much since DICKENS/I LOVE LUCY/THE EISENHOWER ADMINISTRATION.
CONSUMERS/CLIENTS/BUSINESSES/PETS want a PRODUCT/SERVICE/IMAGINARY FRIEND that allows them to quickly [WHAT YOUR STARTUP WILL DO].
And that’s why we founded [CUTE, DIFFICULT TO SPELL NAME]. We’ve got a great team, a terrific product, and a big vision plan to DISRUPT/REVOLUTIONIZE the entire ________ sector.
Have you ever wanted to [OUTRAGEOUS CLAIM]? With [BUSINESS NAME] that’s easy. You can seamlessly engage CONTENT/CLIENTS with just a few keystrokes. In fact, it even works on your mobile device.
Here, [PREGNANT PAUSE] let me show you…
Meet [GENERIC PERSON/IRONIC CELEBRITY]. S/he has a problem. They want to [DREAM AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM] but instead they have to use [MICROSOFT WORD/THE YELLOW PAGES].
That’s where we come in.
[CUE VIDEO SHOT BY WILLIAMSBURG FILMMAKER FRIEND]
I know what you’re thinking. How does this brilliant little [PIPE DREAM] make money?
Well that’s the best part…
CONSUMER/CLIENTS/USERS of our product are always generating [VALUABLE BEHAVIORAL DATA]. And while we grow a base of customers we’re simultaneously collecting [SAID VALUABLE DATA] for our partners. It’s win-win.
We’ve also got a [FREEMIUM/AD-SPONSORED OPTION] that will return [EYEBROW-RAISING FIGURE]. We’ve already been in touch with [SLIDE THAT LOOKS LIKE QUILT OF BRAND ICONS] a host of potential partners who love what we’re doing.
This [KOOKY IDEA] came from a [HIGH THOUGHT/TRAVEL ABROAD EXPERIENCE/PET PEEVE] I had when I was at [INSERT COLLEGE]. From there, I built a great team of [EX-GOOGLE EMPLOYEE, HBS GRAD, & RISD DESIGNER] that knows what success looks like.
We’re raising a round of [SECOND EYE-RAISING FIGURE] and we’re already [OPTIMISTIC PERCENTAGE] of the way there. That’s where you come in [CONFIDENT CHUCKLE].
Please come find me if you want to change the entire ________ industry with [BUSINESS NAME] today.
[CRACK OPEN THAT HONEST TEA BRO, YOU’RE ABOUT TO GO SERIES A].
A | A | A
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
I visited synagogues all over the world—from Syosset, to Beverly Hills, and back again to Jericho. Studies were made, tests were run, I tasted the blood of a virgin Jew and even conducted my very own bris.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.