Now I Ain’t Sayin’ She A Gold Digger…But It Sure Looks Like It

Ray Rice punching his wife out cold has been all over the news again. Of course at the time he originally knocked her out, way back in February, she was still his girlfriend. Now more footage of the incident has been leaked by TMZ, and it’s caused Mr Rice to be suspended from the NFL indefinitely.

What you’re about to see may seem like terrible journalism – that’s because it isn’t journalism, it’s a theory, that a logically thinking person would come up with, having gone through this entire story.

Over half a year ago, Ray Rice and his girlfriend Janay Palmer, got in to some sort of argument by Revel Casino in Atlantic City. The argument continued on in to the lift. Who knows what it was about, but it was serious enough for him to clock her in the face twice, knocking her out the second time.

The CCTV footage showed Rice dragging his girl’s body out of the lift, and leaving it by the door, so it wouldn’t shut. Unless, of course, Ray thought the door would close on her, cutting her in half and getting rid of the evidence).

Witnesses, who are current and former Atlantic City Hotel staffers, told ESPN they saw Ray spit at his wife before he knocked her out. They also said that once he put her lights out, he told them she had been intoxicated and he was just trying to get her back to their room. Well, that’s understandable. If someone’s drunk, sometimes you have to punch them out and drag them back to their room, right?

On March 27th, Ray was charged with third degree aggrevated assault and fined. He also faced a possible jail sentence of up to five years. Oh no! This would be no good for his girlfriend financially. If she was with him for the money, him being stuck in prison would be useless to her.

What happened next? She married him. Yep – the following day! Call it speculation if you like, but isn’t that odd, that she’d marry him so soon after being assaulted by him? Either being beaten by him was a normal part of the couple’s life, and she was going to marry him anyway, or a deal was struck between the two, not long after the assault. I imagine it went something like this

• Ray begs girlfriend not to take this matter any further. He looks bad enough as it is and doesn’t need her going on talkshows or maybe even writing a book about the abusive she’s suffered from him during their relationship.
• Girflriend says she won’t take it further, but he has to prove he still loves her.
• He says he does.
• She tells him to marry her if that’s true.
• They get married.

Him marrying her saves both of them. It doesn’t make Ray look as bad as he first did, because hey, the girl he punched out just decided she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. This must just have therefore been a one off incident that won’t ever happen again, and his new wife has forgiven him for it. If she forgave him, we can, and most importantly, NFL fans will.

Of course, the new Mrs Rice gets something out of it too – she’s just married an NFL star and now, what’s his is hers. It turns out getting knocked the F out pays well, or so she thought.

What Janay didn’t count on, was TMZ releasing additional footage of the incident, and this footage made husband Ray look even worse (although how this footage could look worse than the clip showing him knocking her out cold in a lift is a mystery). It could be that the fact he punched her once, then knocked her out with a second punch, shows that this was not just an over enthusiastic lash out, but he went for her twice, because he wanted her to be seeing stars or birds or whatever the hell people see. If she stayed on her feet, perhaps he’d have kept using those right hooks until she was out for the count.

Now Ray’s contract with the Baltimore Ravens has been terminated and he’s out of the NFL. Unsurprisingly, wife Janay is distraught. She’s even been on social media since then, writing that she woke up feeling like she was in a horrible nightmare, like she was mourning the death of her closest friend.

Oh yeah, he was your friend, your money friend, Janay, and now with him not playing football anymore, that money isn’t going to be rolling in like you’d hoped.

BUT

I still aint sayin you’re a gold digger

ALTHOUGH

You weren’t exactly messing with no broke n*****.