4 Groups Who Get More Automatic Sympathy Than White Males

1. Blacks

Whose side did the media jump to in the Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin case? The black guy’s, of course. OK, so he’s the one who got shot, but surely if it were the other way around, the first thing the media would have done was look at why the black guy might have shot the Hispanic guy rather than instantly brand him an evil racist. And they would have called the Hispanic guy “Hispanic” rather than “white”—we all know that.

2. Jews

You might have heard of that catastrophic crime of ethnic cleansing that happened over 70 years ago. Six million Jews were killed, although the estimated number of Jews that lost their lives tends to differ from historical expert to historical expert. Oh, and nobody seems to mention the 40-55 million non-Jewish civilians—not soldiers, but civilians—that lost their lives as well. It was a crime against Jews, plain and simple, black and white, no shades of grey, no discussion.

Look, I know the Jews got the worst deal out of it (and now we get the worst deals out of them). The problem is, this terrible Holocaust, linked in with the fact that Jewish people seem to be very good at “making it” in life (hence why they own a disproportionate number of huge corporations and large chunks of the media) has meant that any criticism of someone or something Jewish, or any attempt to have a look back at and reanalyze the crimes against Jewish people during WWII, is met with cries of anti-Semitism. If you even start asking questions, you can get jailed in several European countries.

3. Women

Women have also been the victims of the evil white man. Up until recently they were treated as second-class citizens who couldn’t work or vote and whose opinion generally didn’t matter. (They are still treated this way in some cultures.) This is part of the reason they’re so protected, but their naturally weaker bodies also play an important role. We must protect the weak! I agree with that statement, but I also believe we should remember that some girls are not that weak. Heck, many of them could knock my block off! Why is it, then, that when I was listening to the radio and a man phoned in to voice his views on an incident he saw on the street where a woman was legitimately beating up a frail man and people nearby stood and laughed, he was cut off within a minute and called an idiot by the radio hosts?

Speaking of radio hosts, one recently lost his job after being attacked by a woman in the street. Not only was she a woman, she was black! Double whammy! He never stood a chance. Lucky she wasn’t a lesbian, too, or he’d be probably have been burned at the stake. Sure, he went on a bit of a racist rant about it on Twitter later, but he’s the one who got repeatedly punched in the face, and we’ve not heard a single negative word uttered against this woman. She’s a black woman, so even if she beat up a white guy, history declares that she’s still the victim, right?

Comedian Doug Stanhope recently said in a podcast that he wants to be treated as a woman if he gets assaulted because he can’t fight for shit.

4. Gays

I know a gay person who knows I’m Catholic. He often takes jabs at my beliefs, and his favorite discussion point about my religion is priests, particularly those that like touching little boys. I take it like a man; the trouble is, I can’t say anything to him. He can mock my beliefs and lifestyle all he wants and point out the nasty crimes committed by the Church I follow, but if I mention that priests mostly molest boys and not girls—suggesting they tend to be homosexual—it turns in to a big issue and I’m a homophobe.

Being a white heterosexual non-Jewish male relieves you the automatic sympathy and presumption of innocence to which these other four groups are entitled. Yeah, sure, white people used to have it good, but that time is over. If you’re a white Christian heterosexual male, don’t expect to be helped out if a woman beats you up, a Jewish guy calls you an anti-Semite, a gay guy starts touching you inappropriately, or a black gang kicks the crap out of you. You probably brought it on yourself, you over-privileged white asshole.

Although many of you won’t believe me, I have no issue with the groups of people I mentioned. I love some of the influences black people have given Western culture. I like rap more than I do rock. As a Christian, I consider Jews to be my older brothers. Women are tender beautiful creatures. (Well, you might get the odd toad.) My mother is the best person I have ever known, and she’s a woman. A few of my gay friends are a bit fruity and their humor is not to my taste, but they’re entertaining to be around and very hygienic. I even know a lesbian with short hair who looks like she’d smack you if you looked at her the wrong way, but she’s one of the nicest girls I know.

It’s not the people who are protected that I don’t like, unless they milk that protection when they know they don’t deserve it. I don’t hate the people; I hate the system of double standards. And if you don’t believe me, then I hate you.