June 7, 2013

I’m A Feminist, But I Don’t Eat Pussy

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What is the issue?

I am a feminist. I love women, I like abortions and I hate inequality. I think we should expand the rights of mothers in the workplace and we should ensure that young girls grow up in a world where they earn equal pay for equal work in whatever careers that interest them – even if its something they will likely fail at such as a doctor or a CEO. The honest truth is I can’t stand to see ignorance in the world, but I know I benefit from it. I’m a white male and I understand my privilege. I realize how lucky I am to not be a woman. But, just as I have bravely and selflessly recognized my own privilege, women must admit theirs: sexually, vaginas are not as good as penises.

I’m not saying vaginas don’t serve a purpose. They feel really good when your penis is inside of them. But what about when your penis isn’t inside of them? What about oral sex? The fact of the matter is, men have it harder when it comes to giving oral sex.

Women are lucky. Dicks are neat. They’re self contained. The occasional bit of pre-ejaculate aside, they probably taste like flesh– no different than an arm or elbow or the nape of your lover’s neck. More importantly, they let you know when you’re doing a good job. They respond favorably to almost any earnest effort. Accept a dick into your mouth and you will please it. You will feel an instant surge of gratification as your partner’s meat silo stiffens with every longing lick and caress you apply to it.

Vaginas on the other hand are finicky and, objectively, well– gross. There’s just no other way to put it. They are covered in hair. They ooze and slime– and that’s when you’re doing a good job! Which, frankly, isn’t often. Unlike the always responsive penis, your vagina simply doesn’t reward hard work. Eating pussy often feels like a difficult chore. Like vacuuming or doing the dishes using your tongue if the dishes were covered in smoked salmon that’s been sitting in the sun for a day.  No thank you!

I can’t tell you how many times I have been giving an ex girlfriend oral sex– my mouth and nose mired in her musky goo, my neck and jaw sore from exertion– only to look up at her face and see my efforts rewarded with a look of disappointment and boredom. All this so she can put my penis in her mouth for the few seconds it takes me to cum? Hardly seems fair.

And, there’s also the matter of convenience. Not only are penises cleaner and taste better, they make having oral sex anywhere incredibly easy. There is no convenient way to perform cunnilingus on a woman unless she is lying down. But for a man, all you have to do is expose your penis and someone can suck it. It doesn’t matter where you are it doesn’t matter who you are. You could be in your bedroom, or in a rural gas station. You could be with your girlfriend, or you could be the attendant of a rural gas station, taking advantage of an open minded 17 year old whose car has broken down on the drive home from his first semester at college.

Look, I’m a straight white male that loves women and loves sex with women. Nearly 100% of my sexual encounters have been with women and 2 of my 3 most memorable sexual encounters have been with women. I have organized Take Back the Night rallies and have tutored women in math and science. I’m an activist for women’s causes. I’d love to say that we live in a world where everyone is completely equal, but I’m not naive. We all have things that are good and bad about us. There are so many good things about women: you are kind and gentle and caring and you give oral sex very well. But for women to want to receive oral sex when you know the strain it puts on men, is selfish and, frankly, discriminatory. TC mark

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