November 29, 2016

To The Guy I’ll Love Next

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What is the issue?

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I can tell you all my likes and dislikes but I like us to be deeper than that. I don’t do small talks. We are not just the “When is your birthday?” and “What do you do for a living?” kind of thing. This is Love we’re talking about here.

My heart is badly broken. It has been beaten a hundred of times. I don’t think it will ever be repaired. Never again.

We all have scars that won’t heal—wounds that will forever bleed.

Yes, you included. I know that there are also these people that you will always miss for the rest of your life. We all have said a thousand hellos and goodbyes. We all have suffered pain but I’d like you to know that this heart of mine still got its rhythm. It may be bruised and it may always be tainted but it’s still whole. I’m giving it to you now. It’s very fragile but with the warmth of your gentle and careful hands, I know it will still beat, stronger than ever—with you and only for you.

I have a big but frail heart. I forgive easily. I wish I don’t because some people don’t really deserve it. I still do, though, because grudges will do me no good. I have learned how to let go of the things that no longer serve me bliss and peace. I also believe in second chances and maybe more. I hope you won’t take advantage of that. I hope you don’t break me the way others did you. That’d be cruel of you to inflict the same sorrow upon me when you know how devastatingly it feels. I hope you don’t have the audacity to do it. Please never take me for granted.

I’m a living paradox. I’m not neither of either of things because I am both. I am always floating in between of this and that. As I go through my everyday life, I have learned that I am both too much and not enough at the same time. People leave me because I love too much. I don’t know what they mean by that because as far as I know you don’t count love; you don’t measure it. I don’t expect you to do the same things I do. This is me and that is you. Whatever happens, we still have our own identities. Being in a relationship doesn’t make two people as one. We are just together but never one.

That’s how people lose themselves in love.

People also leave me because they thought I’m not enough. I hope my flaws don’t bother you and my panic attacks don’t scare you away. No matter how tough I pretend to be, I still need you. I hope I am enough for you.

I always leave. I feel like I am meant to travel and write poetries about people I meet along the way and places I go to throughout the journey. To go across countries is probably my biggest pursuit to happiness. I believe that we are all somehow made of stardust and only in wandering will we ever find our scattered pieces back together. But I’d like you to know that home isn’t just a place, it can be a person too. And that is you.

You will always be the home I’ll come back to. You will be the reason I’ll stay. For you, I will always stay.

Love me right—just love me with everything and anything you have. It’ll be eternal if it’s true.

Lastly, please be my constant amidst the changes the world goes through. TC mark

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