Thought Catalog
February 3, 2015

Polygamy Will Never Work In This Generation

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What is the issue?
Shutterstock / CREATISTA
Shutterstock / CREATISTA

Love – that feeling we get when that one person fills every void in our heart; when all we desire is to be with that one person; the one person we want to marry; the one person we want to commit to for the rest of our lives.

The one person who is constantly on our mind when we first wake up in the morning, and whose face is the last thought before we fall asleep. The person we would do anything for…

But what about the men with multiple wives? The ones who marry numerous women and have to provide for not one, but up to four women?

Which wife would he sacrifice his life for? Which wife does he think about first and last everyday?

Is that even still considered love?

Polygamy has been practiced from a very early time all over the world, especially in Muslim counties. According to the Quran, a man should have more than one wife if he is able to provide all wives with a good living standard and treat each of his wives equally.

I am not one to say if polygamy is right or wrong, but what I am going to say is, polygamy would never work within the standard of living of women today.

Although it can be argued that there are some benefits to a polygamous marriage such as the first wife having less work to cope with (with the presence of a second wife); or how due to tradition, new wives have to respect and treat the first wife as the head of the household. But despite all these “benefits,” Gen-Y women would still not be able to ever practice this lifestyle for many reasons.

Sharing

Women do not want to share. It is an obvious fact of life. Sharing means risking not being the favourite anymore, of being the “leftover,” of being replaced, of not being good enough.

It would not only mean sharing love, but sharing time as well. Women always want to spend quality time with their husbands- it’s only natural to want to share moments with the man you love and to miss him when he’s not around. So imagine sitting around, missing your husband, knowing he is with another woman. Or going to bed alone some nights knowing it’s your sister wives’ turn to sleep with your hubby.

Although sometimes “me-time” is desired and often a must. It’s two completely different things knowing you have time to yourself while your loved one is as work, or with his friends, in comparison to knowing it’s his turn to sleep around or spend “quality time” with another woman who he claims to love just as much as you.

Jealousy/Rivalry

Most of the time, women get bitter when they merely catch their husband’s eyes drifting off. Women are naturally jealous beings and want to be the only girl in the picture. They want to be the best and the only girl in their man’s world. In a polygamous marriage, there would inevitably be favourites, causing A LOT of negative feelings between the women. It would be a constant game of comparisons, which in turn would lead to psychological abuse.

Needs Not Being Met

Women have an established list of needs that actually would be impossible to meet in a polygamist marriage. Constant affection, commitment, openness, honesty, financial, and emotional support are just some of the many needs a woman requires from her man. Every woman also loves to feel admired and put on a pedestal. They like to be appreciated and like to be affirmed of this constantly. It wouldn’t feel to nice knowing the man you love is off complimenting other women besides you now would it?

Exclusivity

For a young girl’s whole life, her one and only dream almost always consists of marrying her Prince Charming; the one man of her dreams who will love her and only her. Come on, Disney taught us this and Disney is never wrong. Women always tend to care about how exclusive their relationship is, whereas men are always just interested in sex and the number of women they sleep with. So although a polygamist marriage would satisfy these types of men, it would enrage women. After all, what Disney princess ever had to share her Prince or be a sister wife with another princess? None- because that’s not really a perfect, fairy-tale, happily-ever- after ending now is it?

Power/Control

In this time and era, being a multiple wife would mean being downgraded to a piece of property. It’s about women being owned by men. In all polygamous cultures, women have a pretty low status and must obey their husbands. Polygamy also is almost never polyandry (women with multiple husbands). It’s never about the women’s freedoms to choose whom they marry or the number of men they have. Oh no, because that would make them a whore no? The double standard of polygamy is a whole other issue, but in the end it is about giving power to men and the submission of women to satisfy and please their partner. Why are shows such as TLC’s, “Sister Wives” so popular, but there’s not a show called, “Brother Husbands”. Have you ever thought of the ratings a show like that would get?

Abuse

Marriage should be a partnership, but polygamy turns it into a twisted and unfair relationship. Polygamist wives end up being single parents, with a whole bunch of children, little to no help from the father, and definitely no love or support. The jealousy among wives can also lead to depression as well as inferiority complexes when one wife is treated better than another.

Marriage IS sacred and is a bound between two people, not three or more.

Anything outside of this bound is adultery, and perhaps some men would love being able to go to bed with different women every night, and not be bound to the same woman for the rest of his life. But think about this one: if men complain and say it takes so much time and effort to maintain a good marriage, then imagine maintaining a relationship with more than one wife.

Personally, polygamy is just lifestyle choice, but that I feel could never be justified especially in today’s era. I don’t know of one woman who doesn’t want to feel like she’s the apple of her husband’s eye and in a polygamous relationship that would just never be possible. TC mark

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