Do you have times where you just regret a certain thing but you cannot do anything to change it?
Yeah. I regret not letting you know how much you mean to me. I regret not having you in my life.
To the guy that loved me but gave up, I want you to know this…
I appreciate you in all ways anyone could appreciate someone. I just didn’t want to show it. I know you feel it sometimes. But you have doubts. You doubt that you’re worth something to me. You doubt that I don’t appreciate the things you do for me. You doubt that, somehow, there are parts of me that loves you. I do, believe me, I really do. I can’t blame you though, it’s my fault.
I treasure you. I treasure the times you were there for me in my best and worst. I treasure you when you were there to wipe all the tears that were falling down from my eyes. I treasure you making ways just to see me. I treasure you when you remember the little things. I treasure you cheering me up when you, yourself, weren’t happy. I treasure you every time.
I admire you. I admire your strength in situations where you feel weak. I admire your perseverance in everything you do. I admire your kindness to everybody. I admire your eagerness to make someone happy every day. I admire you effortlessly getting close to my family. I admire you especially when you light up the whole room without even trying. I admire you appreciating life and making me realize that there are a lot of things to be thankful for.
I thank you. Remember the day you gave me a birthday present? I didn’t expect that because I just mentioned about that thing to you once and I have no idea that you actually paid attention. I thank you for that gift. But that’s not really what I’m thanking you for. There are so much to thank you for more than just the material things. You made me feel worth every struggle. I thank you for sticking by me through everything. You did not gave up on my moods swings. You did not give up on me when I’m having my breakdowns. You did not give up on me when I’m being stubborn. You did not gave up on me when I’m being irrational. You did not gave up on me when I’m on my most vulnerable state. But one thing is for sure, you got tired and finally gave up on me.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the times I fail to listen to your stories. I’m sorry for the times you want to see me but I’m busy. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to eat the food you cooked and packed for me because I went somewhere. I’m sorry for not paying attention to all the signals you gave me that speak on how much you love me. I’m sorry for pushing you away when you try to make me feel special. I’m sorry I was too blind.
You know what, I almost loved you back. I was so close to saying that to you. But the worst part is, I was too late. You already gave up on me. You gave up when you said you wouldn’t. I was holding to your promise to be by my side no matter what. I was holding to promises that were not bound to be reality.
I was scared and still am. It would always come in my mind that I’m not enough for you or for anyone in an instance. I’m a girl who doesn’t even know herself. I don’t want to give anyone the love they don’t deserve just because that is the only thing I can offer. I don’t want anyone to adjust to my situation. You don’t deserve a love from a broken soul. You deserve the best. I hope you find that kind of love.
You left me so many memories that are so hard to forget and I don’t think I will ever forget.
Here I am, like a child letting go of her favorite dress because it just won’t fit anymore, no matter how much she tries.