Thought Catalog
June 7, 2017

I Think About You More Than I Should, And Other Things I’m Too Scared To Tell You

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What is the issue?
Alex Iby

1. I think about you way more than I should

It’s been almost two years since we broke up. Yet each and every day, you always manage to find your way inside my thoughts. Everything reminds me of you, and sometimes I smile thinking about a fond memory the two of us shared. But more often, I sit and cry, thinking about everything we once had, and how it all fell apart.

2. You were the best dance partner I could have asked for

You didn’t care how silly you looked dancing at our families weddings, at birthday parties, or even our high school prom. You twirled me around just right, and swayed your hips at just the right tempo to the speed of my own. I would do just about anything to dance with you one more time.

3. I dream about you every night

Clearly my subconscious misses you as well. Sometimes I dream that we are together again, happy and in love. Sometimes I dream that we are making love for the very first time. And most of the time, I dream that you are lying down next to me, holding me tight, until suddenly I wake up, reaching out for you, and I painfully realize that you are no longer here.

4. The pain after our breakup, was indescribable

Leaving your house after our break up was one of the longest, most difficult drives of my entire life. I pulled over three times, sobbing uncontrollably. I gasped for air, repeating to myself that I would be okay-hoping and praying that would be true.

5. But I am not OK.

After my dad died, I couldn’t think of anyone more that I wanted to turn to. I needed you during that dark time, but you weren’t there anymore. No one could understand the pain I felt-but you would have. Each and every day, I long for you to turn to, to tell you all about my day, to celebrate my accomplishments, to drink wine with me, and so much more. I am not okay, because we are not together.

6. I am so sorry

I know I needed space, to discover who I was and you did too. But I never meant to hurt you as much as I did. I am so sorry for the pain I caused you. I am so sorry that I broke your heart. I truly am so sorry, from the bottom of my heart.

7. You were the love of my life

Charlotte York, from Sex and the City says that you only get to have two great loves in your life. She read it from a magazine therefore of course it must be true. When I think about this, I realize that you were one of the great big loves of my life. And no matter what happens, you always will be. You were more than my best friend, my high school sweetheart, and my ultimate cheerleader. You truly were the love of my life. TC mark