August 27, 2011

9 Ways To Drive Him Wild!*

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What is the issue?
*If you’re not heterosexual, please read another magazine.

1. GET NAKED FIRST

There’s a good chance that your guy has never feasted his eyes on your completely bare bod for more than a few seconds so giving him a peak at your natural curves is a surefire libido trigger.

2. BREAK OUT THE BLINDFOLD

There’s also a good chance your man has never feasted his eyes on the terrifying and complete darkness that is blindness. Treat your own personal Stevie Wonder to new sensual wonders.

3. BOSS HIM AROUND

Tell him what you want without saying a word. Use your fingers to tap out Morse Code instructions for what you want next. If he’s a slow learner, don’t be afraid to use a little Milgram on him. 

4. TIE THE KNOT

If he’s being squeamish, grab a scarf, shirt, or stainless steel chain and tie him up. Guys go nuts for girls who take control and this flirty little trick will put him in just the right place for you to pleasure him. Nothing says, “I love you, honey” like a man blindfolded and locked to your bed.

5. TALK DIRTY TO HIM

Start off with a purr or ‘mmmm,’ or simply breathe heavily.  Work in some screams and shouts, in tongues if you know how to speak in tongues. Then up the erotic ante by whispering, “What is your biggest fear?”

6. MAKE HIM BEG

Work your way from north to south, stopping just short of his, um, “member.” Give him a smile and work your way back up.  Repeat until he begs for mercy or you run out of hot oils.

7. BURN YOUR NAME INTO HIS SKIN WITH A BRANDING IRON

Self sexplanatory.

8. UNLOCK A NEW NUMBER

No doubt you’ve tried the 69, but may we introduce you to the 969? While you’re 69ing, have a third man pleasure himself with his back to you. Or better yet, the 666. This bit of devil’s work is where you, your man, and the third man complete a three person naked handstand. When he’s had enough and demands that the third man leave, try the 89 – sexily coaxing him out of the fetal position.

9. BACKUP PLAN

If all else fails, try putting his penis in your vagina. Strange but true: studies show that men find direct contact with their penis to be pleasurable and the vagina is apparently their favorite snuggle spot. TC mark

image – Kathy Mackey

Tyler Hall

I am a writer and comedian raised in North Carolina and living in Brooklyn, NY. I get my women like I get my …

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