Unused Occupy Wall Street Memes
The movement has decried corporate greed and the evils of capitalism run amok, but one economy has seen unprecedented growth since the occupation of Zuccotti Park began last month: the memeconomy. This makes it the first true viral American protest, not just in the way messages are being transmitted, but also in the variations on a theme that have treated the serious issues of Zuccotti with the same irreverence as Good Guy Greg and Nyan Cat. So if you’re done occupying Sesame Street, or E Street, or tracking the hipster cop, or reading about Batman’s use of his 1 percent status, feel free to try one of these alternate, as-yet-unused Occupy Wall Street memes:
Ostracize Wall Street. In which we list steps to silently move Wall Street from your “friends” to “corporate greed slob” Google+ circles; Only plan kickball games when you know Wall Street is going to be out celebrating its latest year-end bonus at Pound & Pence. Resolve to stop visiting friends who don’t live in Brooklyn anyway.
Ocupados Zapato Park. No one in the park is wearing any damn shoes! What happened to all the shoes? DONDE ESTA THE SHOES?
Occupy: Balls Deep (NSFW). “The high-strung corporate banker has come to Xxxoccuti Park to teach the protesters a lesson, but these provocative progressives have another idea in mind: showing him what democracy looks like … naked.”
Occupy Walgreens. In which you document the journey to enter the store to buy a single pack of gum to get $20 cash back and end up spending a month camped out in line at the one open register behind a lady searching through the flyer for the 30 cents off Kleenex coupon, which requires the assistance of the manager, who is in Wildwood for the weekend. Decry him as a 1 percenter pig.
Occupy Elm Street. A collection of .gifs of protesters falling asleep for five minutes of sleep at 4 a.m., only to immediately burst from the inside by bloodied knife hands.
Supersize Wall Street. Can one man survive eating nothing but vegan pizza and dumpster diver apples for 30 days? Yes. Lots of people can, apparently.
Occupy Stonestreet. In which we protest the continued accumulation of briefly surfaced then quickly discarded back stories about Cam from Modern Family and thereby contribute to the over-valuation of this show when it does not, in fact, reflect the complex lives of those of us who prefer textured character development and oppose Emmy bailouts.
We are the 5 percent. Tumblr blog from the Nation of Gods and Earths chronicles letters from five-percenters such as Rakim, Nas and Erykah Badu explaining Supreme Mathematics, the Lost Muslim Lessons and bitching about being forced to attend a state school.
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As the good folks at Citizen Eco-Drive know full well, there’s nothing quite like that unstoppable, on top of the world feeling.
Of all the breakups I’ve had, the saddest and hardest to get over is the one with my platonic girlfriends.
I will keep looking at them while you go through the checklist of things you need to bring. I will note how I am not on it and feel the cracks under my ribs escalate with every beating pulse.
We’ve come too far to give up who we are
So let’s raise the bar and our cups to the stars