“Don’t ever lend anyone more than $5,000…because it’s cheaper to kill you than it is to pay you back.”
She gets really upset when I ask her to mop the floors that have her new puppy’s shit smeared all over. And I mean ALL OVER. Posts Facebook statuses like “I should really stop being so nice” when I address these problems politely.
You can’t cure stupid.
This one girl got my number and texted me everyday for a couple of weeks, saying “Hey” or “Hiiii” or some variation of it.
These things don’t make you cute. They make you an asshole.
You need a good laugh today, here’s 46.
That we’re all the same when it comes to relationships.
That we’re fuckbois.
When he glanced in the rear view mirror, he saw a full grown man in what he described as “large boots and a dirty, dark, thick jacket and dirty pants” in a full on SPRINT towards our car.
GM calls me in and offers me full time hours (after I had been requesting them for months). I jumped in saying “Let me stop you right there, I’m also turning in my two weeks notice.” Remembering that look of disbelief will make me smile every time.
“SCP-106 appears to be an elderly humanoid, with a general appearance of advanced decomposition. This appearance may vary, but the “rotting” quality is observed in all forms. SCP-106 is not exceptionally agile, and will remain motionless for days at a time, waiting for prey.”