“Sorry…You just reminded me of my dad for a second…No biggie, just came to mind…”
“Her face comes into focus. Half of it is cover in burn marks and blisters, and the other half is charred. The final detail come into view. This part with haunt my thoughts forever. Her eyes, dear god her eyes. They were black. Black as night. “
“I had a guy call me who was audibly masturbating and saying lewd things right off the bat. It was really fucking weird.”
“My great-grandmother was murdered by her schizophrenic son because he thought she was the Devil.”
“Humor is the fastest way to the bedroom, my friend.”
“My boss showed the entire staff that he has 5 nipples at the company Christmas party one year. He even let one girl touch the 5th one.”
1. It saved his relationship My roommate punched himself in the eye and faked being jumped, because his girlfriend was about to break up with him. They are now married. — beergoggler 2.
“You remind me of sunshine. I’d almost forgotten what that was like.”
“Double and triple texts because you don’t answer within 30 seconds.”
The 6 year old grabbed a kitchen knife and started chasing me with it. And he wasn’t playing, either. He genuinely wanted to stab me, and almost got me on the arm.