November 23, 2016

It’s Okay To Be Single And Selfish

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What is the issue?
Larisa Birta
Larisa Birta

This time 2 years ago, I distinctly remember telling myself that I was ready for a relationship and all that it would entail. I was ready to accept a partner with all their faults, baggage, and short comings. I was willing to put the work in. I was very aware of my own short comings as well as my strengths. I knew that if the right person came into my life I would recognize him in an instant because of vision of myself and what I wanted was so clear. My wish was granted and I met a great man, we had a short relationship and both grew in the process, but ultimately it didnʼt work out.

Two years later, Iʼm in a very different place. In some ways it feels like Iʼve regressed but in other ways, Iʼve come so far. For the last few months, Iʼve been dating casually and have been enjoying the moments without expectations of anything more; more time, more dates, etc. I have learned the art of living in the moment. Itʼs been a liberating experience for me to date just for the purpose of dating and without the expectation of a relationship. Iʼm somewhat ashamed to say that in the last few weeks, Iʼve met men, gone out with them once, and never returned their calls or requests for another date.

I guess you could say Iʼve been ghosting. Most of these men have done nothing wrong, they were perfectly good people, but Iʼm at a selfish place in life right now. I donʼt have the same “relationship mentality” that I once did. Iʼm highly focused on myself and my business right now and I lack patience for anyone or anything that takes time away from my business.

I have no desire to participate on “how are you?” texts or pointless pleasantries that dating requires. My ultimate relationship goal right now is to just grab a drink with a cool person once in a while when I need a break, and then Iʼd like to be left alone until the next break; selfish, I know. My mother told me that she becoming increasingly annoyed with my unreturned calls and texts. I told her sheʼs the “person I speak to most, so imagine how other people feel.”

At this point Iʼm just not willing to put the work into anyone but myself. I donʼt expect anyone to be perfect but Iʼm also not here to try to help anyone get there right now. A guy I was seeing recently told me he was uncertain about where things were going because he had circumstances going on in his personal life. Normally I would want more answers and pressed for more info, but I was actually relived because although he was a great guy, I simply didnʼt have the patience to try to fix things or attempt to make them work.

One thing that Iʼve had to adjust is how I communicate with the people I date. I was so used to looking for relationship oriented men and preparing myself for a relationship that Iʼve had to learn how to articulate that I donʼt want that. Whether youʼre ready to be married tomorrow or simply working on yourself, itʼs important to know where you are on the dating spectrum because you are involving other peoples hearts. TC mark

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