Please God, Let This Love Die

Love is a beautiful thing they say. It may be true, maybe I’ve seen it, how beautifully tender it is, but what I remember is its ugly head, flashing it’s gleaming icy blue-green eyes at me daring me to act my worst.

I love you – Yes, I’m happy when you are but I’m tired of being shackled to you, of loving you. It’s draining me. Tired of thinking about it, about you, tired of mulling over things I want to say but can’t.

I did not ask to love you, shit you don’t pick who you love, I most certainly won’t have picked you, but alas! in love we are not asked “milk or sugar”?. I certainly wasn’t. I hate it. It makes me mad, so mad that you can walk all over me and get away with it. This has got to end, this insane obsession I have… For both our sakes, mine far more than yours.

I didn’t know that love could be this drowning, this exhausting till your love dragged this long. I’m too good to you, I don’t know or understand why, I just am, just so, you take my love for granted and I reward you for it by showing you more love. This is not done any where, so because of this I disgust me. This unhealthy need for him has to have a mystical explanation or if it is ordinary, I’m doomed. How can I love someone like you this long and hard? You have not earned it and absolutely do not deserve it. Definitely not! You have made me smile, laugh and sated but you’ve also hurt me, scarred me over and over by your words and your lack of… By what you did and did not do…

…This however does not change how or what I feel, because if it’s you asking I have already given; “Jump”! I say “How high”? I may be stubborn and proud, but you’re the least person I’m adamant with, and my foolishness knows no bounds with and around you. I love you, love you too much, without whys and love-you-toos. I should not but I do.

God, I love him but I want it to end, let this love die; a cold death without hope of resuscitation, let it be buried or burned, let it add manure to the soil and oxygen to the air, because I’m tired of loving you in circles that’s getting me nowhere. You don’t need my love, sure as hell do not want it but I can’t stop.

Please God, make it all go away, make it end, make it stop. Make me forget it, forget him, forget promises both made and unspoken…