Thought Catalog
August 26, 2016

I’m Trying To Forget You, But I Can’t Bear To Lose You

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Jenavieve
Jenavieve

It’s April and I’m so happy because we’ve made it another year,
We kiss and make plans for the future.

It’s May and I don’t know how you’ve stayed this long,
You hold my hand and we take long walks in the rain to avoid my parents.

It’s June and you keep disappearing like the butterfly I just want one picture of,
just some proof it existed,
all I wanted was to know you still loved me.

It’s July and things are warmer now, not only the weather,
but things between us as well, we strip down and hide under the covers,
but little did I know, we couldn’t hide from the end.

It’s August and we’re having the same fights over the same friends
and at this point, I’m sure you don’t care about me.

It’s September and I’m begging for change, begging
for love from a boy who is disappearing as fast as summer.

It’s October now and you’ve been swallowed up by the cold inside your mind,
you’re almost completely gone when he arrives.

It’s November now and I give it one last chance,
I tell you your door is closing and I start holding his hand.

You don’t look at me the same, and he’s not you,
but he looks at me the way you used to.

It’s December and you say you can’t do it, you end things with those words,
but I’m still the one that leaves,
I can’t face you, I hide inside of him.

All arms and clothes and hair and I hug him so close that it hurts.
Because I am hurting you,
And he kisses me,
And he doesn’t kiss like you do,
His mouth is opened too wide and his lips aren’t as soft,
It’s like even our bodies are never on the same page.

I kiss him anyways,
I tell myself he is a completely new chapter,
There is no going back,
And later,
You ask about it,
You want to know if I’m moving on,
I tell you we’ve kissed already, that I’m forgetting you,
You never try to come back,
You’re a moth now,
You disappeared right after I turned off the light.

And he’s not you,
But he looks at me like you used to. TC mark