December 27, 2012

Inspirational Quotes For Living In Your 20s

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Inspirational Quotes For Living In Your 20s

“I can’t dislike you, but I will say this to you: you haven’t got long before you are all going to kill yourselves, because you are all crazy. And you can project it back at me, but I am only what lives inside each and every one of you.”
- Charles Manson

“Every man has inside himself a parasitic being who is acting not at all to his advantage.”
- Ronald Reagan

“You’ve had your whole fucking life to think things over. What good’s a few minutes more gonna do you now?”
– Excerpt from The Shining, as delivered by a crazed Jack Nicholson

“The cadaver’s pubes have a cowlick.”
- Excerpt from Elvis Presley’s autopsy

“There are lesions on the legions…”
- Walt Disney

“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”
- Rodney Dangerfield

“They all feel the need for something. What we sense after the film is that the natural sources of pleasure have been replaced with higher-octane substitutes, which have burnt out the ability to feel joy. Going through the motions of what once gave them escape, they feel curiously trapped.”
- Excerpt from Roger Ebert’s review of The Ice Storm

“Did I do that?”
- Urkel, overheard while watching footage of Tiananmen Square

“If one commits the act of sodomy with a cow, an ewe, or a camel, their urine and their excrements become impure, and even their milk may no longer be consumed. The animal must then be killed and as quickly as possible and burned.”
- Ryan Seacrest

“Did you ever think, like, what if our whole reality is just some vivid dream thought up by a brain in a jar somewhere? Wouldn’t that be weird?”
- Nietzsche

Cobra Commander: Useless…all useless.
Roadblock: Come on! Snap out of it! Neither of us will make it if YOU don’t hang together!
Cobra Commander: I was once a man. A man!

Roadblock: I can’t see, but I can still…hey, this is your faceplate…
Cobra Commander: Was my mask, just as I was once a man!
- Excerpt from 1987’s animated G.I. Joe: The Movie

“People have mythologized me and idolized me, but I’m no different than you or anyone else. I wake up every morning, my head throbbing with fear and shame, and I whisper personal affirmations into the mirror while I drag my penis across the Braille alphabet. I could be your next door neighbor, for chrissakes.”
- John Wayne

“Does anyone know where I can get some batteries for this Tamagotchi?”
- Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

“Objects that are inserted into the rectum can therefore potentially travel up into the bowel: the flared end on a butt plug exists to prevent this.”
– Wikipedia’s entry on Butt Plugs, as narrated by Morgan Freeman

“It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.”
- Excerpt from Philip K. Dick’s VALIS

“It is a disturbing conundrum that true free will cannot exist without the possibility of suicide. Then again, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over!”
- Yogi Berra

“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”
- Craig T. Nelson

“No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.”
– Deuteronomy 23:1, English Standard Version

“Welcome to Walmart.”
– My 84-year-old grandfather

“There is no cannibalism in the Microsoft corporate family, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount.”
– Bill Gates, Microsoft Co-founder and Chairman

“So, what do you guys look like?”
- Helen Keller

“One could not stand and watch very long without being philosophical, without beginning to deal in symbols and similes, and to hear the hog-squeal of the universe…trusting and strong in faith he had gone about his business, the while a black shadow hung over him, and a horrid Fate in his pathway. Now suddenly it had swooped upon him, and had seized him by the leg. Relentless, remorseless, all his protests, his screams were nothing to it. It did its cruel will with him, as if his wishes, his feelings, had simply no existence at all; it cut his throat and watched him gasp out his life.”
- Excerpt from Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle

“The demons wanted my penis.”
- David Berkowitz, Son of Sam

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”
- Sylvia Plath

“God, but life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel gaiety of ‘parties’ with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter – they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship – but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering.”
- Ne-Yo

“When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.”
– Excerpt from Mark Twain’s Following the Equator

“Deserts possess a particular magic, since they have exhausted their own futures, and are thus free of time. Anything erected there, a city, a pyramid, a motel, stands outside time. It’s no coincidence that religious leaders emerge from the desert. Modern shopping malls have much the same function. A future Rimbaud, Van Gogh or Adolf Hitler will emerge from their timeless wastes.”
– Excerpt from J.G. Ballard’s The Atrocity Exhibit

“Doctor, do you think it could have been the sausage?”
– Final words of French poet and playwright, Paul Claudel

“When tomorrow hits, it’ll hit you hard.”
- Jesus Christ TC Mark

image – Shutterstock
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