Your Teenage Self Versus Your 20-Something Self
Inspired by this genius blog post that examines the differences between being a 21-year-old and a 23-year-old, I’ve decided to take it a step further by analyzing your teenage self versus your 20-something self.
Teenage self: I’m rich! My parents just gave me twenty bucks to go out with my friends. That means I can afford a movie, a soft drink, and some candy! Must spend immediately. Burning a hole in my pocket. I love money!
20-something self: I hate money. Why does it cost so much money to simply exist? Why I can’t afford an iced mocha and some Sour Patch Kids? I really don’t ask for much. No one told me life was going to be this expensive. No one told me that if I get sick, I must pay insurance companies thousands of dollars. What’s more expensive? Cancer or a Birkin? WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Teenage self: I love to hate myself. I wish I was born with a better body. If I had a better clavicle bone, maybe the opposite sex would notice me!
20-something self: I’m a pretty dope person. Why doesn’t anyone realize that?
Teenage self: I have amazing sex. I love sex. I do weird kinky things like 69 and stuff. Can I talk more about my sex life? I’m just so excited!
20-something self: Ugh, I don’t want to have sex with you. But okay.
Teenage self: I get crazy wasted. Can I have another wine cooler?
20-something self: I pretend to get hungover after drinking one beer. I’m just so…old.
Teenage self: I’ve smoked pot a few times and I think I’m addicted…
20-something self: Drugs are cool to do on Saturdays. And maybe Wednesdays. And maybe…wait, I’m conflicted about drugs.
Teenage self: I’ve been in love once. I don’t think they knew I existed though.
20-something self: Love’s a necessary bitch.
Teenage self: Hate.
20-something self: Love.
Teenage self: Can’t wait to go. It’ll change my life!
20-something self: So. Much. Money.
Excuse to stay in
Teenage self: I have to finish my reading journal for King Lear.
20-something self: I’d rather wash my hair and watch Top Chef.
Teenage self: This bracelet would look good with this necklace. And this necklace would look good with this headband. And this headband would look good with some wacky earrings!
20-something self: Messy meets sophistication meets go fuck yourself. Looking 12 and 80 years old all at the same time.
Fights with friends
Teenage self: I hate you today because I’m bored!
20-something self: I’m beginning to realize that I don’t like who you are as a person.
Teenage self: ?
20-something self: ?
A | A | A
They would meet on Facebook because Sally would post (under her customized settings she created, viewable to “friends” and “friends of friends” but hidden from “work colleagues” and “environmental studies classmates” and “ex boyfriends and lovers” but still available to…
My dictionary says that home is a place where something is naturally located; an environment where one and its surroundings are perfectly harmonious. This is home. I’ve called many places home over the years: Colorado, Spain, Australia.
In terms of the homo-rainbow, my colors are pretty straight. I mean, Honey Boo Boo is right, everyone’s a little gay, but I think I’m just not that gay.
In 1972 comedian George Carlin famously delineated the “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.” All seven words dealt with bodily parts or functions at a time when such things were simply not mentioned in polite company.