May 18, 2012

Lizzie McGuire: Where Are The Characters Now?

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What is the issue?
It’s been 8 years since we left Lizzie, and it’s hard not to wonder what likely became of her, and all the people we felt like we grew up with, too. Here, a glimpse on what their life has become since we last saw them.

Kate

Kate’s a comparative literature major at some small liberal arts school south of the Mason-Dixon line, and president of a sorority with the word “Kappa” in it. She and Ethan dated on and off for most of high school, but after a post-prom-night pregnancy scare they called it off for good.

Ethan

He’s studying business somewhere in the Midwest, and developing a significant beer gut. He’ll go bald and Kate’s stomach will drop when she sees him at the ten-year reunion, but if he plays his cards right, she’ll make out with him anyway.

Mr. And Mrs. McGuire

Mr. and Mrs. McGuire are still married, and still weird. Empty nest syndrome hit hard after Lizzie and Matt left for college, so they adopted a hedgehog — it seemed like the quirky thing to do.

Matt

Matt’s studying computer science at a technical institute with a 70/30 male-to-female ratio. Matt makes the most of this wide disparity. Parties all the time. He’ll end up working as a programmer in a fairly big city who mostly forgets to call his mom back.

Miranda

Miranda is studying fashion at Pratt, or some equally pretentious urban art school. Lots of piercings. Maxed out her credit card on a fancy camera she doesn’t know how to use — and never took the time to learn. She’s mostly a lesbian, but hates labels, and loves ecstasy.

Lizzie

Lizzie’s studying elementary education at a state school. She didn’t have the grades to get into a stereotypically fancy school, but that never really mattered to her. She’s head of her school’s “Go Green!” initiative and sometimes writes for the newspaper. She regularly stalks Miranda’s blog, even though they haven’t spoken in three or four years. She studied abroad in Rome in order to see Isabella; their plans to record a reunion duet never materialized, but they still keep in touch through a steady stream of transatlantic letters. Paulo works a tourist-y street cart and spends his nights writing songs in pursuit of his big comeback. He refuses to sell his vespa, even though he could really use it for rent money.

Gordo

Gordo is studying something scientific at a Little Ivy. He’s got a really great, tight group of friends who alternate between binge drinking and Risk on weekends. Even though it’s the most improbable thing in the world, he and Lizzie are still dating. They tried to take a break during their freshman year of college, more out of a forced sense of obligation than genuine desire, but when Gordo tried to kiss other girls he always ended up drunkenly rambling about Lizzie and scaring everyone away. His college friends secretly don’t really get what the big deal about Lizzie is. She seems fine, but kind of boring, and there seems to be no real reason as to why Gordo’s so hopelessly in love with her. He’s hardly a bastion of eloquence, but when he shows them this dumb video of her randomly being an Italian pop star at thirteen in lieu of an explanation, they just laugh at him. They’ll never understand how he was crowded in the wings, watching her, entranced. She flashed him a small grin as she shimmied and his heart leapt up into his throat. It was then and there that it dawned on him — that she was the best girl he’d ever know; a realization he still isn’t able to shake, a decade later. TC mark

image – Disney
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