The other day I met up with some friends from out of town to grab dinner and a movie. Our group was made up of myself, another guy, and two girls. We hadn’t seen each other in some time so I had to endure the normal protocol of spontaneous picture taking. And just like every time I take a picture with someone nowadays, the photos went up on Facebook before I even got back to my apartment.
The pictures were standard, the usual still shots of us laughing together like we were in an Olive Garden commercial (“Spicy Alfredo with Shrimp! Oh, what a silly order!”). But what was curious was that in every single photo, one of my friends was making the Duck Face. Unacceptable, I thought. What is this, 2007? I tried to ignore this prevalent expression in each of our photos, but I had a sudden image of us being together 30 years from now, looking back on not just these pictures, but all of our pictures that will potentially be tarnished by something as blatantly ridiculous as the Duck Face.
Unacceptable, I thought.
I call one of my friends from that night:
Me: “Yo, it’s me. I have a quick question. Why did you make that face in some of our
pictures last night?”
Friend: “What face? I didn’t make a face?”
Me: “That thing with your lips. Why did you pucker your lips like that?”
Friend: “What? That’s not a face. I’m smiling.”
Me: “Smiling? You call that smiling? You are a damn liar. You are making a face, and you know it. No one smiles like that.”
Friend: “Alright, whatever! I made a face! So what! I’m allowed to make a face, aren’t I?”
Me: “You’re allowed to make a face, I’m asking why you chose that one.”
Friend: “I don’t know? I was just kinda in the moment. It seemed appropriate.”
Me: “You call a moment like that appropriate? Unacceptable.”
I hang up.
Appropriate? Is there really a correct time and place for looking like a sassy a-hole? I have yet to figure out the answer to this question. This should be something we all think about. However, in the meantime, I’ve compiled several instances when the Duck Face would actually be appropriate, for one reason or another. And only one of them involves a camera.
- Your OKCupid profile picture… but only when looking directly into the camera
- All those modeling gigs you have — show off your Le Tigre, Blue Steel, and Magnum looks
- When watching/imitating an Angelina Jolie movie
- When applying chapstick like a douche
- When playing a game of charades that involves duck imitations
- After eating a sh-tload of lemons
- Directly after having dropped a cigarette from your mouth
- You’re Pauly D for Halloween
- If you’re a clown instructor demonstrating proper balloon blowing technique without a balloon handy
- In the corner of a dark room by yourself, where no one can see you.