October 4, 2016

It’s Time To Let Him Go (Yes, On Social Media Too)

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What is the issue?

I know that’s the last thing you want to hear right now, let alone the last thing you want to do. Everyone’s been telling you to cut all ties since you broke up, right? But you refuse, mainly because you agreed to be friends at some point and you’re trying to remain cordial, but that “some point” will never work for you.

I know you think deleting him or blocking him off all social media platforms is a childish move and you think of yourself as “the bigger person” here, so you don’t even consider doing it. I mean, you probably don’t really care by now. You don’t even stalk him that much. You’re so over that phase. Am I wrong?

Actually, no. You are.

Take it from someone who has been there. Someone who was there for so long that she made a house out of self-pity and ex-inflicted anger.

I’ve always been a very active user on Instagram, but after my relationship sunk, he started uploading more pictures there. I refused to unfollow him for the same reasons that you don’t want to do it (Hope? Failed try at adulthood? Love, even? I really don’t know), but I realized that every time I saw something of his on my timeline, whatever it was, I got irrationally upset. In fact, that’s the reason why there’s nothing on my feed from January 27th to February 23rd.

I shook my head in denial whenever my friends suggested I unfollowed him, so I just stayed away from what is my favorite social media network just so I didn’t have to see his face. How unfair to myself. As if I hadn’t gotten through enough already.

I know you’re at a very vulnerable place in your life right now, so I hope you don’t see this as me scolding you. I would never dare to do that. You don’t deserve it. You deserve love and understanding and having your feelings validated, so if you need a sign telling you that that anger you feel is real and acceptable, this is it.

You have every right to be angry, even if every other organ in your body is telling your heart it’s being stupid. It’s not. That’s why you need to cut all ties, even if you agreed to eventually be friends, because you deserve to move on and leave this person behind the same way that he left you and never looked back.

Listen to me. You are not a bitter person and would never wish the worst on anyone, not even someone who hurt you and took all you had to give and more, but you don’t necessarily want to see him happy. If that rings a bell, repeat after me: It’s all right. That does not make you a bad person.

On the other hand, if he’s the kind of person that talks about his problems on social media, or if you’re just a very observant individual and can get a certain kind of vibes depending on what he posts, the solution is still the same: Stay away from him.

Can it be any clearer? He may be sad, and a part of you (the one that is still resentful no matter how much time it’s been) may not be entirely disgusted by the idea, but it’s really not any of your business. Even if it turns out the reason he’s unhappy is you, or the lack thereof in his life. Whatever it is, it doesn’t concern you anymore. It did one day, but your pain should no longer be an extension of his. You’ve got enough things to worry about as it is. Let him deal with his stuff. And if he can’t? Well, that’s his damn problem. Not yours.

I’m going to let you in on a secret I have learned as an ex-girlfriend myself: He’s stalking you more often than you’re stalking him–and I know that for a fact–but not even making him jealous of the good life you’re leading now or the new people you’re meeting will make it worth it.

His jealousy will often lead to comments you don’t deserve. I know that makes you feel good and powerful, in a way, but in reality it’s just something that’s unfairly tying you to him and giving him power to step on you again. He left you, and if he wants to be bitter about the breakup, just let him. And let go.

You deserve so much better than a life connected to somebody who treated you as a life vest, then left you to drown. TC mark

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