Thought Catalog
June 19, 2017

The Problem With Constantly Expecting Better

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What is the issue?
Toa Heftiba

I refuse to believe that love does not exist. However, I have come to accept the idea that love achieved will never be fulfilling as love desired. This generation has been taught to indulge into a state of self-satisfaction, a deadly craving that is never met.

As I flip to social media accounts, I come across a variety of ludicrous meme’s about being single, “better of alone” hashtags, and jokes made towards the people who choose to display their affections. We live in a world where we expect timing to do the work for us. We were brought up to believe that better and more should always be expected. You can always have a “better” paying job, “better” house, “better” car, “better” looking significant other.

We have come to a state of our being where we have wired our minds to believe, that we are not even enough for ourselves. As long as we continue to undermine the small stuff, eventually all life’s beautiful simplicities that used to keep us happy, will no longer make us satisfied. As I look around, from peers to friends, overhearing conversation from mother to daughter, father to son, I’m sadly starting to believe that we are more than halfway there.

It would not be surprising to prove that this notion has trickled down to the most intimate part of ourselves. A place where we allow ourself to remain in a constant state of fear, a fear for not finding something better. Our state of happiness used to be our motivational push to achieve greater things selflessly, not selfishly. As I look around our generations circumstances, it’s mortifying. Everyone seems to be in a eternal chase for happiness, taking part in a race that is not even real.

We have allowed fear to become our new inspiration, somehow having no emotions will bring you serenity. We love the ones who ignore us, ignore the ones who adore us. We seemed to have lost our individuality while chasing the illusions created by those who care the least. We have failed to look at, take in, and appreciate the love that currently surrounds us. We have spiraled so far down that we now question random acts of kindness, the value of a friend, the meaning of a kiss, but most of all the capability to love ourselves.

We have to stop paying attention to the image you think you’re supposed to uphold to, and start coloring in the parts of you that you think you will find elsewhere. Treat yourself as you would the treat the person you cared for the most. Allow in the unknown, the most beautiful things often evolve from darkness. We are in a day in age where we are constantly encouraged to engage in the practice of “not needing anybody”, independence is healthy until it becomes misused to create boundaries from the things that matter.

Feelings and emotions come naturally, something we’ve encountered with all our lives, but still remains foreign. Instead of trying to understand ourselves a little better, we run. Excited for that new job, then allowing yourself to quit before it’s begun because you’re scared of failing. Convincing yourself not to pick up the instrument you always wanted to play because you dont think youll be any good. Once you start to like a person, often allowing things to perish before giving it a chance to blossom.

We are so scared, that we refuse to try at anything. Mask our true feelings, hide behind fake personalities, and pretend that our hearts don’t need attending to. I just can’t seem to understand how we try to live our lives avoiding and running from natural causes, but wish to die a natural death. We immediately seek and destroy, before we envision and create. Learn to love what is, what is yours, each other, ourselves, and just maybe one day we’ll succeed to fill in the gaps we subconsciously try so hard to pry open. TC mark