4. I try not to spend too much time online but Wi-Fight it?
“You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.”
Decimate my meatscape. Drown me in your honeyed voice. Drown me in a tub full of candy. Pour some high fructose corn syrup on me. Smother me with your heavenly body weight.
McSweeney: (v) Unattainably attractive female’s consistently swift, merciful rejection of one’s most fully-formed and thoughtful works of romantic persuasion or advancement.
It feels strangely intimate, playing Words With Friends with you in the early hours of the morning. Everyone else is asleep, and here we are, continuing on. Squinted. Paint. Peon. Love.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Buzz Cuts – By J.K. Rowling
Be that enviable person who can top any statement. Win every contest that no one else realized they’d signed up for. Start every sentence with an italicized I, and try to understand that everyone else is just jealous.