Shutterstock

I received the news of Heather (a.k.a. Dooce of Mommy blogger fame) and Jon Armstrong’s separation with a mixture of emotions. Having been through the full spectrum of wearing white and saying “I do” to seeing red and saying “get out” myself, I relate. I feel sad for their loss. I worry about their children. I don’t know them, but I’ve followed their lives online since Heather began blogging in 2002.

The press is saying that Will and Jada are definitely breaking up this time. Johnny Depp and Vanessa are rumored to have been separated for some time. J Lo and Marc. Katy and Russell. Even Kobe’s wife finally called it quits.

I don’t care that famous people are breaking up; they’re strangers to me. But I know this: the same thing happens to people in the spotlight and out. And that leads me to ask:

Is everyone breaking up?

And what about it? Is it okay? Should we accept our new identity as a culture of people who can’t stay married for more than five or ten years? Sure, I feel a sense of loss when a couple that was a unit goes back to being two people. But these days, it seems that maybe we’d all be better off celebrating the time served, and thinking of it as just another chapter in a book of a variety of adventures that is our life.

When I was married and thought I would be for the rest of my life, there was a gray dullness surrounding my thoughts, as if someone dimmed my lights from the inside. It came from a sense that my future was predictable: locked in and not likely to change.

Then, all of a sudden, I was single! It was terrifying and wonderful at the same time. Holy hell, what will become of me? I can go on a date tomorrow? With a stranger? And then have drinks with friends and wander back to my house at who cares what time, because no one will be waiting for me and asking questions about where I’ve been!? Fantastic freaking freedom! The lights flooded back on. Good or bad days, they were all mine. I was the only driver of this party bus.

After a while, my single life began to bother me, just as my married life did. Too much of any one thing is hard to handle. I know now that the key to happiness in my own life isn’t held by a man, and it’s my right and responsibility to change things up when the light begins to fade.

My parents have been married for so many years that I’m not sure anyone is keeping track anymore, but it’s somewhere over 40. And I love that for them. Congrats, Mom and Dad! You’ve done something that the majority of our country won’t ever be able to master. But while I applaud your ability to stick to it, I’m not sure that the traditional formula of marital commitment — say your vows, grin and bear it for the rest of your life — is working for the rest of us. And I think that we as a society may need to redefine what a “successful relationship” is.

My boyfriend said, “the best I can guess is that it’s a combination of recognizing the person that’s right for each of us, grabbing hold when the chance presents itself, having a good portion of luck, and constant, open communication so that both people evolve together. And I believe that the best part of rich and diverse experiences is having someone with whom to share it.”

He’s so sweet, and still very romantic in this new relationship of ours. I guess, for now, we’re not breaking up.

You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.

I have this recurring dream.

In the dream I turn to my model girlfriend Daisy Lowe at a Childish Gambino show and say, “See, he’s like The Throne and Lonely Island in the same dude!”

Her eyes twinkle before she grabs me, plants a kiss on my lips, and yells out like that adorable Debeers Diamondcommercial, “I love this man! Yes, that’s brilliant! And it’s so sexy to deconstruct it from afar, over being, like, on stage. Seriously! We should just go home and talk more…” followed by a big slow wink and a smile.

Her tights second the motion; the pursed pouty lips are lilting, “thirded.” But I barely notice “the signs” because I’m still dazed and confused thinking about the Throne/Lonely Island dude. It’s really important to me! What the world needs now, the great missing link in the cultural food chain, is an emcee with hot flame-spitting authority whose brains are scrambled with, and this is the tricky part, Chappellian, Galifianakian, Silvermanian irreverence. You know what I mean? Throw some cheese and bacon on that? Hold the grits. The best rappers, for better or worse, are best at a sort of artful-aggression. The best comics sprinkle some crack on all of that silliness. Put that in one person and then maybe locate the Gay Blake Griffin along with whomever is a mix of Kristen Wiig and Beyoncé (call me!) and we’re well on the way to righting the universe. I know this to be true.

“Well? Are we going home to think and talk some more or what?”

Daisy’s flashing our secret “let’s go” signal (if you must know, it’s six blinks in rapid succession followed by crossing her eyes until it hurts. This means ¡Ándele! ¡Ándele!). I look around and all the faces at the concert look like Donald Glover’s. Hmmm, maybe I’ve been thinking about this too much. I give her the nod for departure.

So we’re off!  Daisy and I hail a cab. Or rather, she gets the cab and I get in it with her (black dude joke). Inside she puts her head in my lap and I say, “Okay look, I’m going to try not to ramble. I mean it!  But real quick, here’s what I think are five crucial questions/issues for Donald.”

She looks up at me like she cares what I have to say, even though in five minutes I know she’s going to fall asleep, and I’m going to wake up. It happens every time. I keep thinking if I get my points out quickly enough maybe she’ll stay and talk to me some more:

Okay, #1, is Donald like Blackcore or not?: Gambino is very black-conscious, but is it for real or for show? I’m down with Glover’s potential as a household name in the lineage of contemporary black-conscious artists like Tribe, Lauryn Hill, Will Smith, Chris Rock, OutKast, Dave Chappelle, The Roots etc. This type of talent can trickle down to the tectonic level of culture and loosen the ground for deep-seated progress (though maybe you just like the music and laughs!). But Donald’s “swing-low” lament goes in and out of tune. Is he comfortable throwing up the fist clad in black leather or not? This is a question because:

#2, Ballad of the Stereotypical Non-stereotypical Black Dude: His lyrics have a lot of e-moaning about being racially pigeonholed, but on a landscape littered with hip-hop hyphenates you want to point to his wings and say fly, little pigeon, fly. Do you. If someone isn’t on board with DG being a rap star, they’re probably just indifferent. Or maybe bored with the stereotypically non-stereotypical black dude routine. Sometimes it feels like he’s pounding on the walls of a box he made for himself. There’s no groundswell for “thug nigga” shit from Childish Gambino. Everyone’s fine, I think. If he were a blog or think piece, his would be a straw man argument. Ultimately all this false melodrama in his lyrics about identity issues distracts us (and more importantly him) from actually venturing into new ground instead of just talking about it.

Daisy Check: fffffff, she’s fading, though mumbling something about me not being a stereotype. (ya heard.) I nudge her to buy some more time, but also because the next thought relates to the ladies.

#3 Isn’t his sexism a little out of character? Rappers play characters that fit the narratives they tell, and so we accept some “Let’s pour nut-juice on all these hoes” from a Rick Ross and others who traffic in this, uh, glamorous? lifestyle. But the self-awareness we love in Donald’s comedy undermines the cum/female-face ratio of his albums. Honestly, who pines for the face your dick constantly uses as a spittoon? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m pro blowjobs. Love ‘em! Rock the Vote for the Blow Jobs/Sex ticket in 2012! But the Gambino-as-playa-playa shtick feels, well, childish; if not weird or disingenuous in a smarmy way.

Daisy perks up for a second. “I’ll show you smarmy!” She’s tickling me.

Stop it, Daisy! Only two more:

#4 is: like, dude, Why So Serious?: Sincerity is a noble conceit in these days and times, but much like interrupting a tickle session with Daisy Lowe, sometimes being too self-serious bogs you down en route to Enjoying Life(™). He may deny how seriously he takes his rap career in interviews because he is smart and humble enough to know better, but you don’t go from Wu-Tang name generator to Rolling Stone on a lark. He means business. And the show-and-prove sincerity shows in the music. There’s talent, but the overall effect is a little sweaty. The best rappers sound effortless, but Gambino’s always turned up to 10. The irony here being that for all the comic pedigree his rap persona is too serious (bordering angry) to be the butt of a joke.

AND FINALLY…

#5 is: Why are Gambino and Glover so different?:

As a hip hop fan, I’m delighted to see a mind like Glover’s in the mix. A potential Joker to hip-hop’s Batman. But it’s also kind of sad to see what he thinks good rap should sound like. How he modifies Donald to service hip-hop. When Gambino grabs the mic and says he’s destroying everyone, it includes the Glover persona we know from his sketches, standup, and internet presence. With the petty humblebrags, sexism, self-inflicted racism (he harpooned this himself, we get it) etc. the concern is that he’s a lesser rapper specifically cause he’s chosen the lesser parts of rap to emulate.

EXHALE

Daisy Check: Aggggh! she’s asleep, which means I’m probably about to wake up.

But that’s the dream, pretty much. I guess it’s only a dream. But it’s been bothering me. Hopefully this helps. At least with the Donald part.

You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.

Jack Black, host of the 24th Annual Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards.

Source: Sam Jones / Nickelodeon / 2011 Viacom International, Inc.

This past Saturday evening at the University of Southern California the 2011 Annual Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards (KCA) ceremony was held. Nickelodeon began the award show in 1986, and over the years it has undergone several transformations before its present incarnation, where kids vote on the internet or via text message for their favorite TV shows, movies, and celebrities. Jack Black, a KCA regular, hosted the ceremony; other notable hosts from the past include Rosie O’Donnel, Ben Stiller, and Whitney Houston, among others. Winners receive an orange blimp.

Miranda Cosgrove in character as ‘Carly’

iCarly, a show about two adolescent girls who realize the dream of the internet age and create a popular web cast, won the award for best TV show.

Dylan Sprouse and Selena Gomez won for best TV actor and actress. Gomez stars in Wizards of Waverly Place as a magician who misguidedly uses her magical powers to advance her social standing. Justin Beiber is reportedly a fan of Gomez.

The new remake of the classic The Karate Kid, starring Jaden Smith (son of Will Smith, who also produced) and Jackie Chan took home the award for favorite movie. The Karate Kid tells the tale of a young American boy who has to move with his parents to China, and it deals with themes of adolescent love, violence, and cultural assimilation.

Johnny Depp scored a Blimp for his role in Alice In Wonderland. In a startling gesture, he turned his back on the crowd to retrieve a slime hose, which he then proceeded to use to slime the front row of the audience.

Miley Cyrus nabbed a Blimp for the best actress category for her role in The Last Song, a coming of age drama written by Nicholas Sparks. Cyrus was criticized for her very formal dress (most of the adolescent females present were dressed casually) because some felt that it was suggestive of her growing out of her child/teen star persona, according to US Magazine. Cyrus has caused a lot of controversy for a number of incidents, among them being featured in a provocative Vanity Fair photo shoot and getting caught smoking a bong filled with what she claimed was salvia (legal in California) but what others claimed was marijuana.

Cyrus cried during her acceptance speech, for which she later expressed embarrassment. “I don’t know why that happened.…That was like bad teenage hormones kicked in where I was just like, so touched,” she said after the show.

Highlights of the affair included a performance of the hit song “Boyfriend” by Snoop Dogg and Big Time Rush, the stars of the show Big Time Rush, which was a nominee for best TV show. Snoop Dogg was one of the many guest celebrities who were slimed, another notable example being super model Heidi Klum.

Justin Beiber, who was not in attendance, won two awards for Best Song and Best Male Singer. Some speculate that a sliming is in order for Bieber if he attends next year’s ceremony.

You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.

Three things about Willow Smith: She whips her hair back and forth, she has super famous parents and she’s the coolest nine year-old we know. At Willow’s age, we were playing in the sandbox and trying not to pee our pants. We wondered how she became so evolved and avoided this pesky thing called a childhood so we  went straight to the source to find out. And when the source refused to talk to us, we just made something up.

Thought Catalog: Hey Willow, What’s up?

Willow Smith: Who is this? My nanny just handed me the phone and said that you had candy and a big water slide.  Is that true? Can I go play on your waterslide? Ours is under construction.

TC: I’m a journalist, honeypie. We’re here to talk to you about “Whip My Hair.”

WS: Oh, that stupid song I made? I didn’t even wanna make it.

TC: What do you mean?

WS: Well, it all started because I really wanted to go over to my friend Jocelyn’s house because she just got a new Wii. I love Wii, I get like super high scores. Everyone knows I’m really good at it. Anyways, my mom told me, “No, Willow. You can’t go to Jocelyn’s until you go in the studio with Daddy and record this song.” And so I had to do it. And then I went to Jocelyn’s and we played Wii and her mom made us pizza. It was kind of gross pizza.

TC: You like pizza usually though?

WS: Duh. I love pizza. Are you kidding me? It’s so freaking good.

TC: Lets talk about the music video. Pretty crazy stuff, right? Whose idea was that?

WS: Some big director guy. I don’t know. It was pretty fun though because I just sucked on Pixi Stix the whole time. Pixi Stix are crazy. Have you had them before?

TC: Sure.

WS: This one time, I paid my friend Alexandra 20 bucks to snort some and she did! She started crying afterwards though and then I felt bad.

TC: Well, that sucks.

WS: Yeah. After that, she switched schools because her parents were getting a divorce and they had to move. That sucked too.

TC: Yikes. So Willow, you’ve been in some of your parents’ movies too. How does it feel to have such crazy famous parents?

WS: I don’t know. It’s good I guess because we’re super rich and a lot of people are poor. My dad can also introduce me to some awesome people and that’s cool.

TC: People like Muhammad Ali and Nelson Mandela?

WS:  Who? No, Miley Cyrus and like, the twins from The Suite Life. They are so cute.

TC: You know what’s cute? Your style. Where do you get your inspirations?

WS: Hold on a second. (CALLS TO JADA PINKETT) Mom! Where do I get my, um, style inspiration from?

Jada Pinkett-Smith: Berlin art scene, sweetie.

WS:  (BACK ON PHONE) Um, the Berlin art scene. (CALLS TO JADA PINKETT AGAIN) What else?

JPS: Basquiat!

WS: Who is that? Ugh. (BACK ON PHONE) Um, Boss-Key-Aught,

TC: Were you just asking your mom for the answers?

WS: (GIGGLES UNCONTROLABLY) No! I gotta go, Mr. Interview Man. I’m going to go ride our dolphin in our pool.

TC: You have a real dolphin?

WS: Duh. (DIALTONE)

You should become a fan of Thought Catalog on facebook here.

On his creative process:

…That’s all I do while I work on music in the studio, I just look at all these photographs, look at movies, I watch Avatar, like we got this 72-inch screen at the studio, and I watch Children of Men, There Will Be Blood, and just create music and I look at the visuals and I’ll turn the track up… And we’ll be in Hawaii and just completely zone out.

On whether or not he is a racist

I actually don’t know a rapper before me that liked white people more than me. I don’t know a rapper that wore tighter jeans. I don’t know a rapper that collaborated with more white people than me.

On the way he makes decisions

…I don’t know, feeling random, you know, my moves are a little bit random sometimes. I am not really that calculated it’s just like hey this is what I felt like doing, hah.

“Portrait of Power” video

On the “Power” music video

… So we, you know, vibe’d out at my house and we just kept bouncing ideas and we had all these references of these like renaissance paintings and baroque paintings, and I always had the dream of, like, re-creating the Sistine Chapel in a way so you, you know, when people say that this is not the full re-creation cause I still might want to do that, like re-create the Sistine Chapel. But, um, just emotionally and image-wise all that’s it it was really easy on set to, you know, to create the characters because it just feels things I dream and I see and that I felt since I was child from reading comics to being in love with paintings to going to art school and just always wanting to apply that.

On his ambition

When I make music I am not really thinking about other rapper’s albums I am trying to make my music compete with that McQueen collection. Which is, and I am not saying that it does, I am just saying that is the goal, that is how I set the bar of creation. You know, I rather compete with, umm, you know, when I think of competition it’s like I try to create against the past I think about Michelangelo, Picasso, you know, the pyramids. That’s the reason I put, like, 5,000 years in a song like “power.”

On how a philosophy course he took at SUNY Stony Brook on Gilles Deleuze inspired him:

… It’s funny I like want to find more of an abstraction in my work when things are, like, completely literal and you have to take it one way it’s just too commercial for me. But when it’s a bit more abstract and people can take it a lot of different ways so whatever people think about it it’s good, if people think hundred different things and have hundred different opinions about it that’s, that’s much better than giving or demanding that person or someone thinks one way about it…The fact that there is such a vast opinion makes it so great.

On his mission as an artist

I just feel like things on, um, the radio they just almost seem just too clear to me. It’s like when I listen to Thom Yorke or Trent Reznor I don’t understand everything they are saying the first time, but I feel it, I feel the emotion of it, I feel the artistery in it, and to take what I feel is that level and bring it to the radio is an extremely important task and I don’t take that lightly.

When the zombie first appeared on film in the 1930s, audiences became hooked on what they saw. Often depicted with crazed, transfixed, and bloodshot eyes, an insatiable hunger for human flesh and above all, a reckless disregard for human life, these terrifying creatures were slow-moving pack travelers. Audiences loved witnessing the random chaos visited on everyone and everything by these soulless corpses. As popularly conceived, a zombie is an infected human who has died from a virus, only to rise up as the ‘walking dead’ with a severe attitude problem.

These eerie creatures first identify, then surround, their victims, spreading infection at high speed, rampaging as they go. No wonder they became an enticing subject for film makers who, over the last century, have created thought-provoking and horrifying films built around them.

When George A. Romero released The Night of the Living Dead in 1968 he began a new era in zombie film making. Romero raised the creature’s profile to definitive cult status and inspired both fans and film makers around the world with his unique take on the zombie genre: a mix of classic horror/gore overkill with humor that established a new standard. Sequels like Dawn of the Living Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead, and Diary of the Dead followed suit. His work has continued to spur exciting contemporary directors to make modern zom-com classics like Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland which pay homage to Romero’s work. Other directors like Danny Boyle have taken a more serious and thoughtful stance, examining our drive to avoid irradiation as well as the impact of “total infection.”

Whatever the take, zombie films live on, and there’s no doubt that zombies will continue to dominate our screens for many years to come. With the firm belief that every zombie freak should have his day and draw up a list of the ten best, here’s mine.