42. Hearing any kind of noise in your house whatsoever, you become very certain that you are about to be assassinated.
In the great state of Florida, it appears that if you call 911, you get sent to voicemail.
3. “I’m going to drink 6 gallons of water every day, just like Jessica Alba! You’ll see!”
“Here’s an abrasive reggaeton song in lieu of an actual message because I am trapped in 2002. Send help! JK, don’t.”
Hey Jamie! It was so good to see you – let’s make it more of a thing. Anyway, call me back when you get this message. I was just talking to Mike and our conversation made me realize that I totally spaced on deleting a bunch of files off of the computer. Nothing too crazy… not that you’d ever judge me! It’s just… well, steer clear of opening Photobooth.
Leaving someone a voicemail message on someone’s cell phone in 2011 is not only misguided, it’s selfish. It’s difficult to think of a situation in which leaving a voicemail is necessary because, well, it’s not.
Do not leave me a voicemail. I will not listen to it. I’m going to press the corresponding number to delete your message as soon as the automated voice recording concludes. I’m going to press it with conviction, like a little boy who just won a raffle to implode an old baseball stadium.