Our girlfriend is wearing a most dramatic black dress that’s cut well above the knee and glistens even in the velvet glow of the club. She looks so hot. She’s dancing to music she hates, but you’d never know it. Someone tells her she looks like Mila Kunis. You look like a gutless teacher’s assistant on his night out.

Here’s a circumstance I’ve wondered about. Imagine that a close single female friend (just a friend) mentioned to you that she has a vibrator that’s shaped like a highly stylized penis. It’s not too anatomically correct, just a normal vibrator.

I could make a map right now in pencil crayons demarcating my no-fly zones and sensitive spots, were someone to ask for one – but that has never happened. I have also considered a colourful tattoo of borders and targets, and maybe supplying pen-lights for any visitors to the area.


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