8. Why do all porn sites assume I’m a guy??
1. The Penis Microphone
GF uses my erect penis as a microphone and sings songs.
I might as well have laminated tiny fake passports and come up with different phony occupations because my vibrator was basically in the witness protection program.
Canadians, I’m not going to pretend I understand what kind of frigid, weird things you guys are into. I assume frost-addled sex parts have to do desperate things to thaw out.
Our girlfriend is wearing a most dramatic black dress that’s cut well above the knee and glistens even in the velvet glow of the club. She looks so hot. She’s dancing to music she hates, but you’d never know it. Someone tells her she looks like Mila Kunis. You look like a gutless teacher’s assistant on his night out.
Here’s a circumstance I’ve wondered about. Imagine that a close single female friend (just a friend) mentioned to you that she has a vibrator that’s shaped like a highly stylized penis. It’s not too anatomically correct, just a normal vibrator.
I could make a map right now in pencil crayons demarcating my no-fly zones and sensitive spots, were someone to ask for one – but that has never happened. I have also considered a colourful tattoo of borders and targets, and maybe supplying pen-lights for any visitors to the area.