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Tyler Perry

When women are in the picture, it’s Scarlett Johansson showing her butt or Natalie Portman standing off to the side, wind in her hair. They are props and accessories, rather than the pole that holds up the tent itself.

The Dark Cristal follows Gelfling Ludacris as he tries to return the Cristal shard to its original vintage bottle. The bottle is guarded by the Skanksis — ten evil vulture-like creatures who drain the vitality of hoes in different area codes to remain young.

Similar to the Taylor Swift school of “you’re only as good as your totally awesome virginity,” there exists this theory in rom coms that women are essentially passive ducks waiting to be tossed a few decent-sized bread crumbs (in the form of romantic attention).

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