I just realized that if someone doesn’t exert some effort, or make himself physically and emotionally available, then why would you hold on?
God damn I hope you do miss the people you’ve loved sometimes — it means they mattered. It means they left foot prints in your heart that weren’t able to be washed away.
It took me a long time (probably only a couple of minutes in actual meditative time) to gain his trust and have him accept me enough to even stand near me, or to hold my hand. He was angry at me. And for a good reason.
You were in love and you truly believed that nothing could take that feeling away. You held on to the promises he made and the life you believed would be spent together.
This next phase of my life is going to be amazing, not because you aren’t in it but because I won’t be dwelling in the past, where you are. I am going to live in the present, enjoying what this life has to offer me now.
We need the past.
The thing about the past is that there is absolutely nothing we can do about it, yet it creates this monster inside of us while we regret it or miss it.
You are no longer the pounding in my heart, no longer the dull pain under the surface of my smile, no longer the loneliness at my core. In fact, I don’t miss you anymore.
We want to know each other but something stops us. It’s as if we don’t feel safe to go there any longer, to step in that closely, to be alone and ourselves with the friends of our past.
To go off just a feeling seems like such a reckless idea. But here we all are, searching for love and hoping to never let it go.