Thought Catalog

The Digital Age

Do you think that having an electronic leash has made us all turn into frosted flakes? Seriously, everyone just lives in a state of permanent stress because of our phones, which causes them to shut down and disappoint everyone. It’s too much. I would estimate that, due to cell phones and the internet, I let down five people a day.

Sincerely. Warmly. Wantonly. I’d be thrilled to receive an email with one of these closings. Well, maybe not “wantonly” in a business context, but at least it’s better than “best.” “Best” has bothered me for some time in both business and personal contexts, for various reasons. Here are five.

Usually odd, maybe suffering from ADD/ADHD/Asperger’s Syndrome, the awkward, older guy who took Calculus II with you in high school, the one who used to burp a lot at inappropriate times, the one who maybe rooms with you in college, along with two of your real friends, two guys you met in college, two guys whose friendship never seemed forced because they didn’t have to chug from vodka bottles to feel comfortable…

Glib, detached, oft taken for granted, the following chat and text acronyms are examined and exposed for both their oblique intent and implication herein.

Tumblr users love all things French. Those weird looking multi-colored macaroons, the Eiffel tower, Monte Carlo, Versailles, quotes in French that chances are nobody can actually understand … it can all be found on Tumblr.

I know it may not seem that way, because you are tapping letters on an electronic typewriter into a buzzing screen that has so many words on it, but you are actually communicating with people. Just like all of those people you no doubt keep in touch with on your WWE and Paula Deen forums, your Facebook friends can actually read what you write, as well.

I’m sitting at home reading the live-tweets of an acquaintance’s night out. They were eating sushi but now they’re headed to a bar named Black & White with three of their friends. Now, they’re trying to meet up with their other friend to go to some diner. Gee, it’s like I’m right there with them instead of in bed wearing a nightgown.

But the dictionary is far removed from the front lines of vocabularic trenches, a distance that breeds discontent at the buffering lag between The Things We Know Exist and The Things That Have Official Easy To Use Terms So People Know What I’m Blathering About…