The first is obvious in that you should never venture to the superstore wearing khakis and a red polo—the Target uniform—unless you’re prepared to answer questions from shoppers about where to find moisturizer or Archer Farms cereal.

Dresses, makeup, gifts, traveling, parties, showers. Everyone is getting married. Everyone ever. I can barely cope with the fact that I’m the lone wolf at every wedding, let alone that you registered for a $279 juicer. Totes happy for you though.


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