I’ve watched plenty of football games. I try to engage. I ask questions. I attempt to learn. But despite my efforts, I just can’t understand football. Here are six reasons why.
No matter which team you were rooting for, everyone came out ahead this year.
9. American football appears to be a game in which huge men attempt to brutalize one another.
The National Chicken Council estimates that America will eat 1.25 billion chicken wings during Super Bowl XLVIII.
You will, at some point, find yourself spouting off some tidbit of football knowledge that you didn’t even know you knew.
This post is just gonna be pictures of dogs. If this is a problem for you…I don’t know, seek professional help because I can’t fix you.
Did you know that when you Google “lace front,” Beyoncé is the first thing that pops up? I know! Amazing, right?
But the reality is football is extremely popular in America, and in the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl it becomes something of a social norm to know how the various teams are doing, especially if you live in an area with an active team.
Aside from your football career, your most prominent attribute is your Christianity. It is a big deal to people. You sign your tweets GB2 (God Bless and Go Broncos).
Alright, Big Brett’s settlin’ for a little TV. Gonna do some Murder She Wrote, then watch some of these Glees I got saved up on the ol’ DVR. Damn if those little gay kids can’t sing the shit out of some Journey, I’ll tell you what. Hold up! What?! Football?