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Sonic The Hedgehog

“w00t,” says the office ‘cool guy’, who likes to wear his plaid fedora on the group coffee outings while he explains joyfully to everyone about all the circa 2007 bands in which he is interested.

There are many dark moments in my sexual history to ruminate on. I have endured terrible break-ups. I’ve had a girl leave me because she was afraid I’d turn out to be gay. To this day, I feel that I disappointed her. Tessa, if you are reading this, I tried. I really tried to be gay. I bought the book. I followed all the steps. I studied. I got all my suits dry cleaned. I even picked out a guy or two. Like a fad diet, it just didn’t stick.

It is 11 AM and a program where people from Middle America enter a television courtroom to hash out embarrassing problems before a stern but compassionate judge is on. Sonic The Hedgehog does not appear to be engaged, but Tails knows it is preferable to primetime, when Sonic The Hedgehog would have been privy to a number of advertisements for Microsoft Kinect that show people running in place, very fast, in front of their TVs as a method of playing a video game.

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