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Social Networking

There is going to come a moment when you look around and realize that you have received a request from an ultrasound with its own Facebook, and it is at this moment that you will lose all faith in your generation.

There is one element that all of my failed relationships share. Through all the many variations of womanhood that I have been familiar with, but a single thread carries through all of these dalliances. They involved a heavy amount of physical intimacy.

Be acutely aware of your gestures and positioning as you reach [object.] Exaggerate them. Act drunker and a little vulnerable. Try to look like you’re not trying. Try harder. Gauge what it’s looking for — it could be a condescending remark about the party/venue or a rowdy yell displaying your engagement.

The thing about our future Internet Crush will be that despite the fact that we’ll never really know them, we’ll assume they ‘get’ us and that they are beautiful and sexy and attractive and special. All the despite the cold fact that what this person really is is a collection of pictures and text — a storyboard, a narrative, a hologram, a fantasy.

On December 2nd she said she couldn’t come on the ski trip; on December 4th you said you loved her; on December 12th you sent her a picture of you on a snowboard; on December 15th she said she needed to talk; after that there are no more messages; that was two years ago. Yes, I remember — thank you, Facebook. Would you like to send her a message? Well, not anymore.

For whatever reason, “Words with Friends” breaks down your social walls and opens up the floodgates for anyone you’ve ever met to request a meeting of the minds via mobile word game. It stands to follow that you’re not actually playing “Words with Friends,” you’re playing Words With People Who Have Downloaded The Same App As You, That You Happen To Know In A Tenuous Manner. Let’s get specific, shall we?