“She screamed, ‘You’re SICK!’, then slammed the door.”
“I smile all the time so that nobody knows how sad and lonely I really am.”
Watery eyes, raised voices and shaky hands are not dismissive: they are powerful.
Everything in life has a purpose and everything that happens teaches us a lesson, right? By the time we reach our mid-20s we’ve learned about 98% of these lessons and there will only be dozens more each year. Maybe the lesson was different for you, but the moment is the same for us all.
If there’s anything I wish we all understood a little more fully, it’s this: We are never, ever, ever alone.
Embarrassment is the pesky side effect of the miracle drug that is courage.
Shame has been such an intense part of the abusive relationships that I have found myself in, and perhaps is the most common theme woven between them. I have felt ashamed of not speaking up and being more firm about ‘no’, ashamed at feeling guilty for pursuing things in my life that enrich me and which I love passionately.
They say to never, ever read reviews of a show that you’re performing in until after the show closes, if at all, but as we theatre geeks say, that’s a rule more honored in the breach than the observance.
Since you yourself don’t believe that you are enough, you look to the most distant, most uninterested of contenders to give you that validation.
This is me breaking the cycle and talking about it.