Embarrassment is the pesky side effect of the miracle drug that is courage.
Shame has been such an intense part of the abusive relationships that I have found myself in, and perhaps is the most common theme woven between them. I have felt ashamed of not speaking up and being more firm about ‘no’, ashamed at feeling guilty for pursuing things in my life that enrich me and which I love passionately.
They say to never, ever read reviews of a show that you’re performing in until after the show closes, if at all, but as we theatre geeks say, that’s a rule more honored in the breach than the observance.
Since you yourself don’t believe that you are enough, you look to the most distant, most uninterested of contenders to give you that validation.
This is me breaking the cycle and talking about it.
1. Realize your privileges, and take advantage of them.
That is me getting up.
For some, shame is situation dependent.
Falling in love with a closeted guy is a catch-22. The love is passionate, true, and scandalous. You feel like you’re living in a movie. For the time you spend with him, it’s great. However, you slowly learn that love shouldn’t be hidden.
“Straight acting, u be 2.” “Looking for gym buddy, no fems.” “If ur a faggot it won’t work.”