My mom was right when she said you can’t always trust your friends.
I hope that those who will read this will remember that rapists can be anywhere and anyone. I hope they remember that many monsters are better disguised in plain light than in the shadows.
You told me that I could tell you anything, that I could share any problems with you. But you didn’t tell me that there will be drunken devils in my own college.
You were stronger than me. Older. What should I have done?
Now almost 3 years later I still flinch when someone touches me without warning. My heart still speeds up just a little when I’m around men I don’t know.
I’m still afraid.
Forgiving does not mean I’ll forget the past or give up my human rights. Instead, forgiveness is an active way for me as a sexual assault survivor to stand up for myself and preserve my future.
He kept talking as his hand grazed my back. I tried to distance myself by moving my chair forward but this just made him move his hand from my back to my upper thigh.
He only held me down in the back bedroom of a house party, forcing me to explore his body, despite the tears in my eyes and the bruises on my wrists. He only hovered over me in the dark, removed his clothes, and menacingly whispered, “You’re going to lose it to me eventually, mark my words.” But, you’re right. He never even raped me.
Someone chose to take something from you, yes, but you are still here. They didn’t take all of you. Someone else was weak; they couldn’t wait for something or couldn’t handle the rejection of not getting it so they took it. But you are not weak.
After months of this fear, I decided I had to do something to reclaim my peace of mind. I was going to buy a gun, in spite of the fact that I had never believed in them.