This letter is to all of you lurking eyes emoji using, “wyd” asking, hey yous, sending unsolicited dick pics, sliding into DMs like its your job men of today’s society. How about using your words to formulate a proper greeting, instead of emojis, pictures acronyms or ebonics?

The ‘What’s Up’ Dude: He asks you this question often and in a variety of ways. What’s up? Wassup? What’s going on? How’s things? He doesn’t not know how to have an actual conversation. He checks in fairly regularly. Sometimes these messages arrive at booty call times. Sometimes they arrive when you are procrastinating at work and you reply. “Nm. U?” He says “Same,” then nothing else until the next “What’s up?”