But even if Garrison Keillor wasn’t her sexy photographer, that ass, I was so glad to see it when I opened my sexy flip phone. For a time, her butt was my very own prairie home companion.

3. Creepy writer men are men whose writing I’ve admired for years, messaging me to say that they like something I’ve written, and hey, they are going to be “in the city,” here’s the room number at their hotel.

Sometimes, the real thing is worth the wait. But for those of you who are dating impatient people with an affinity for iPhone cameras and their own genitals, here are a few tips you can use as you navigate the digital world.