Many are starting to question the NYPD directly and demand an answer as to why they seem to conveniently find a way to murder more and more civilians every year.

More importantly, you’re a ‘beer guy;’ you’ve been to a couple breweries and know the difference between a stout and a port, which rationalizes your addiction with sentences like “I’ve been meaning to try this one.” 

Oh, great. Period zit. Eh, maybe I can say it’s an ingrown hair. Maybe I should grow a beard. Yeah, a beard would cover it. I’d look so bad-ass with a beard. Like the second coming of Tim Howard. Or Jesus. Jesus Howard.