Through the wise words of Bill Nye, Amy Schumer explains the scientific data behind the fact that the universe’s main job is to guide white ladies into taking calcium vitamins.
7. Last Sunday morning, $175,000 worth of cocaine washed up ashore a Galveston, Texas beach. Down in Bikini Bottom, there are reports of an unprecedentedly irate Squidward.
1. Do not reuse your tampons—EVER. By their very design, tampons are made to be used only once and then safely discarded in a nearby waste receptacle. 2. Do not shave your face with men’s razors.
Go through a drive-thru. They’re scientifically proven to boost morale by 82% for up to 10 minutes.
To let men do what they’re “meant” to do and to let women let them do that.
She’s scared, because she’s been let down too many times before. By froyo. By Seamless. By Taylor Hicks from American Idol. It’s frightening out there. She’s on her own. Her ID is real now. Sometimes she doesn’t get carded.
Parenthood is a burden, but it’s also an opportunity.
1. The uniform the pizza delivery man is wearing is not from a large, recognized chain.
“Hey, that sounds nice. I will stay tuned for that. I can appreciate classical music. Actually I think I could quite like it, given the chance.”
It is a widely understood fact that “Earth Day” is a liberal conspiracy. I hope I am not injecting too much personal opinion into this listicle by humbly submitting that I hate Earth Day, and I hate the Earth.