Here’s your guide to domestic bliss.
Sunday Funday, better than a Monday.
“Oh God. I just realized I’m stuck with me my whole life.”
It must be so hard—all those nights when you just aren’t sure if you can control yourself from harming another human being.
The strap falling off the shoulders. So. Freaking. Annoying. I have better things to do than continually reaching into my shirt like a weirdo to pull up a fallen bra strap. CAN YOU JUST STAY ON MY DAMN SHOULDER?! YOU HAVE ONE JOB.
New beginnings. Wiping the slate entirely clean, as clean as linens, and just feeling so fresh and clean in mind and soul.
If you consistently masturbate with a butt plug, you 100% have commitment issues.
Everything is annoying.
While it may seem fun and silly as you stroll down the street, your sight glued to adverts like macaroni to a third grader’s art project, know that it’s effecting your brain in ways you never imagined.
So, let’s concede — sarcasm has a valuable place in communication … but only in certain situations.