Thought Catalog

Samuel L. Jackson

The Dark Cristal follows Gelfling Ludacris as he tries to return the Cristal shard to its original vintage bottle. The bottle is guarded by the Skanksis — ten evil vulture-like creatures who drain the vitality of hoes in different area codes to remain young.

That’s when I got the idea that perhaps, somewhere in Silicon Valley there was a Fetish Czar. What does the Fetish Czar do? The Fetish Czar decides all the new and bizarre ways you will be aroused.

Well, the book was released this week, and what a better way to welcome it to the public with a hilarious reading of it by none other than Samuel L. Jackson! Yesterday I heard that legendary director Werner Herzog was going to do the audio for it – which would have been equally delightful – but I guess Sam Jackson got to it first! Please enjoy, and perhaps play for your own children.