It’s hurting yourself a little more because maybe you find comfort in the pain, maybe you find comfort in the sadness you feel in the night.
When we woke up the next morning you promised to text me (you didn’t), that you would text me soon (you didn’t), and that our time together was special to you (it wasn’t).
Sadness gives you the chance to be still with the most tender place of your being. Sadness is an opportunity to deeply appreciate your losses and your longings. Sadness brings you eye to eye with your desires.
One day though, you won’t worry about the steps you take. You won’t worry because one day, you will find someone who paves the road for a Future With You.
There comes a time where you feel alone, so alone, that it doesn’t even matter how many people you have around you because the emptiness is seeping out from within.
Happy is something I won’t feel for a while. It is something I’m going to have to gain back. It is a feeling I will have to search for, like when you go to a wedding and wonder how you’ll ever find the perfect one.
No matter who I am with or how many years go by or how happily in love I seem to be, there will always be a part of my soul and my heart that will never belong to anyone else.
No one tells you how many times you will think that you are twisted and bad. That you don’t deserve love. That you are somehow broken for deciding you don’t have the capability to handle someone who hurt you with their love.
Tonight I don’t want to be OK, I don’t want to be fine and I don’t want to tough it out or be a fighter. I want to let my emotions win tonight, I want to set them free and I’m not going to numb them. Tonight I don’t want to be numb. I want to be sensitive and fragile and too much to handle.
You kiss me and it’s like nothing has ever hurt,
but that’s a lie,
we both know I have felt dirt on the grave.