1. Get up after a seven hour Netflix binge and wonder where my day went. 2. Drink until four in the morning, especially if I have any plan to do something productive the next day. 3.
Girls love to be complimented. Scratch that, they are like hungry savage beasts who will tear you limb from limb if you don’t remind them how amazing they are at regularly scheduled intervals or they will leave or both.
Tinder has been a desert of late. Decks of average blokes devoid of adequate grooming or humour. Sigh. I have a whole weekend and a drawer full of Keflex.
“I lost thirty-seven pounds. It was definitely a vanity thing, but it went deeper than that too. I wanted to be able to move without getting out of breath, to feel not disgusting after every meal, and to feel like I was taking care of myself long term.”
You’ve become the kind of person who shows up – to a job interview, to a date, to work the day after your boss yelled at you – regardless of how scared or uneasy you might feel.
I think it would have been harder for me if we decided to give it a try. To test our summers together and not anything else. I think it would have killed me. I know now, that I had to find myself these last two-year on my own. I had to live, be free, and find myself all on my own.
But the honest truth is I’m completely emotionally and physically drained pretending that losing you wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen to me.
It was messy from the beginning, and you are the only one with any sense to clean it up. So do it.
They won’t cancel last minute or change plans.
I don’t regret my journey. But I won’t romanticize it either. I spent my life earning degrees and positioning myself as a successful, independent career woman. It was tough, lonely and, at times, demoralizing.